Thursday, October 12, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - October 21, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B (=) -- Cardi B is now the owner of the longest running No. 1 single in the history of the Hot 100 for a female rapper unaccompanied by any other artist. But once she overcame the obstacle to actually get there on her own, that wasn't a hard mark to set. The only other such song was Lauryn Hill's "Doo Wop (That Thing)," which reigned for only two weeks. I'd be more ecstatic about this milestone, but I don't care for the song. Although given a choice between this and the foul stench that's stuck at No. 2, I'd go for this without question. Also, Cardi isn't leading in any of the three categories, so that's a sign her reign is coming to a close.

2- "rockstar" - Post Malone featuring 21 Savage (=) -- The fact that this has now been stuck for three weeks here at No. 2 is making me furious. Not only is this a horrendous song by two untalented rappers, but the idea that rappers are the new rock stars just pisses me off. That's such an unintelligent point of view that infuriates me. If this sneaks up to No. 1, I'm going to throw a fit.

3- "Mi Gente" - J Balvin & Willy William featuring Beyonce (+18) -- You KNEW this was coming, right? Once this song was finished rising on its own, J Balvin was bound to release a remix with an English-speaking artists to boost its sales. Given that this song is about trying to create a song that all can connect with anyone, regardless of race, skin color, language spoken or country lived in, I'm surprised that they didn't do this from the start. So the idea of that doesn't upset me. And Beyonce said she's donating all proceeds that this remix sales to victims of recent natural disasters is really cool. So I was ready to enjoy this. But I'm not going to lie, from a pure musical standpoint, Beyonce's addition is awful. She doesn't fit in at all with J Balvin and her English verse is putrid and totally disrupts the flow of the song. But oh well. Go buy this song. Send it to No. 1. I'll be happy because that means we'll be helping people around the world and I totally support good causes. And two Latino songs at No. 1 in 2017? That'd be cool. But I still prefer the original mix of the song.

4- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (=) -- Well, if you take into account the huge surge of "Mi Gente" into the top three, this song essentially rose a spot, leap-frogging Taylor Swift. That's cool. This song may be destined to be stuck at No. 4, but I like having this song around because we're helping prevent suicide.

5- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (-2) -- If Taylor's lead-off single is going to have trouble staying around and drops out of the top 10 before her album arrives, that's not really a good sign for Taylor going forward. But perhaps there will be a song on the album that manages to gain more traction with audiences, so all is not lost for Taylor. In her battle against Katy Perry, she's already totally owned because Katy's music has completely tanked this year, which makes me happy.

6- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+1) -- Rock songs like this have a tendency of peaking around No. 3 or No. 4 at best, so I'm trying to be objectively honest in saying I don't know how much higher this is going to get, but I'm still super stoked that it's sticking around because I love this song and I love that it has gained mainstream success. Now I just hope it can manage to fend off the Imagine Dragons song that is suddenly creeping up behind it.

7- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+10) -- I'm stoked that we got rid of "Believer" from the top 10, but it's an "out of the frying pan, into the fire" sort of situation as "Thunder" roars into the top 10 thanks to its inclusion in a Microsoft Surface Laptop commercial. What's worse is that if streaming and radio catch up to its huge sales right now, it might end up sticking around for a while. But for the love of all that is good and right in the world, I hope this is just a quick surge for a few weeks because I really want Imagine Dragons to disappear off the face of the Billboard Hot 100. Their mediocre nonsense isn't worthy of representing the great genre of rock, which is mostly ignored by general audiences today when it comes to Billboard Hot 100 performance.

8- "Sorry Not Sorry" - Demi Lovato (+2) -- Can you believe that "Sorry Not Sorry" is now Demi's highest charting single of her career? Her previous high was her "This is Me" duet with Joe Jonas in 2009, which peaked at No. 9. Her other two entries, "Sky Scraper" and "Heart Attack" both peaked at No. 10. So this is exciting for Demi and her fans. For me I'm happy, but I would prefer a slightly better single next time. Because this is serviceable, but it's not great. I don't know if I mentioned this, but her new album as a whole is a pretty big mess. But there are some individual songs that I really enjoy, so let's hope Demi and her team can be good with her future single selections after this song has finished running its course.

9- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (-4) -- It looks like "Despacito" is on its way out as the surge of "Mi Gente" has pushed "Despacito" down. This quick of an exit after finally falling off the top of the charts means that, despite tying the record for most weeks at No. 1, this won't be the top song of the year. Not in my system, anyways. That'll belong to Ed Sheeran with "Shape of You." I'm not sure what Billboard's official list will look like, but their end of year list system really kinda annoys me, so I don't really care that much for it.

10- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (-4) -- I was hoping that this song would stay steady and even perhaps make a sneaky return into the top five. But sadly it collapsed this week and could be done with the top 10 as soon as next week. Oh well. It's had a really good run for a rap song, so I won't be mourning its loss too badly.

Rising on the Hot 100:

22- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (+6) -- I'm assuming that this had a bit of resurgence this week thanks to the remix with Skrillex. Not a remix I saw coming, but Kendrick fits surprisingly well with Skrillex, so long as you don't mind Skrillex's unique, robotic noises that he brings to his songs. If you hate Skrillex and like Kendrick, you'll certainly be wondering what in the heck happened to your song. I'm not sure this was a necessary remix, but it works just fine for me.

29- "Havana" - Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug (+15) -- After a 20 spot jump last week, Camila jumps another 15 spots this week. Is top 20 in store next week or is the 20's where this song will settle? I'll guess this at least gets close to that top 10 for Camila and I'd be happy for her. She was the best part of that Fifth Harmony mess and I much prefer her solo stuff, even though it's not a masterwork. I'm fine with this.

34- "Perfect" - Ed Sheeran (+24) -- I'm also totally fine with this being a hit, too. After "Castle on the Hill" sadly managed to get stuck below the top 10 following its initial debut and couldn't quite break through, this definitely looks like it has the potential to be another huge hit for Ed. As long as we don't get too carried away with it by overplaying it like crazy, I'm totally happy with this. Ed does his romantic, wedding reception songs very well and I'm a huge fan of this.

39- "I Fall Apart" - Post Malone (+26) -- Which Post Malone piece of smelly dog crap was this? Oh yeah. The one where he whines and moans like a spoiled rich kid after a breakup because he's shocked that he couldn't buy his way into her heart. He had to do this thing called actual love and devotion, which he apparently wasn't capable of doing.

41- "do re mi" - blackbear (+5) -- Let's kick out Post Malone and bring on blackbear. This is not the most amazing work of art ever, but after reminding myself of it last week, I found it stuck in my head on multiple occasions, so I'd much rather this be our rap placeholder instead of some of the other crap.

42- "New Rules" - Dua Lipa (+6) -- Dua Lipa is slowly rising up the charts with her hit. I'd really like this to rise a little faster, but I'm glad it's at least rising as the general public begins to accept Dua Lipa into their culture. This is a good thing.

46- "Gucci Gang" - Lil Pump (+6) -- Someone please KILL this song. Why are we making Lil Pump a thing since the only people that like this song are the punk teenagers that think they are super cool by listening to this rap music thing. Worst part of it all is that this thug dropped an album and now I'm worried that I'll be forced to cover more of his garbage. I'm not looking forward to that.

49- "Bad at Love" - Halsey (+8) -- Eh. Not as bad as Lil Pump hitting the top 50, but I don't really want Halsey in here, either. Bring on some more actual talented female pop stars instead of Halsey's bland boring music.

59- "No Limit" - G-Eazy featuring A$AP Rocky & Cardi B (+19) -- Now I'm really mad at Cardi B. She's helping this song rise on the charts. Top 50 is certainly up next and I'm dreading that, especially because she's dragging G-Eazy and A$AP Rocky with her.

New Arrivals:

68- "Hi B---" - Bhad Bhabie -- The curse word in the title that I censored is misspelled by Danielle. She left out the "t" in the word, making her seem extremely unintelligent. She could be doing it because she thinks misspelling words is cool. But in this case I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she thought that she was spelling it right. Onto the song, though. Danielle, our teenage Dr. Phil girl who now goes by that awful rap name, represents everything wrong with the music industry. I suppose if she wants to be a punk teenager thinking she's all cool, then whatever. That's her choices. But why do we as a country consuming music have to encourage her and make her a thing in the music industry? There are millions of talented people in this country who would absolutely kill to have a career in the music industry. But this punk girl who has no ounce of talent or intelligence in her body is the one we give a record deal to and promote on hip-hop radio? That's so wrong in so many ways and it makes me furious. This song is barely even a song as it's less than two minutes long. Danielle brings nothing to it with her non-existent musical talent. And the lyrics don't even make any sense. Yet this debuts all the way up at No. 68 and might even stick around. I don't understand.

74- "No Promises" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie -- Hey, look! An actual rapper on the charts! After subjecting myself to that awful wannabe song by Danielle that we somehow allowed onto the charts, listening to this was almost like a breath of fresh air. And then my mind came back down to earth as I remembered that I don't like this guy either. He's just boring. Granted he gets a few extra kudos for not doing the Migos rap or the mumble rap. He's actually rapping and he's actually a rapper. But this specific song is just one long verse with an intro and and outro where Boogie rambles on for like three minutes about stuff that I don't care about. Something about him being upset about a breakup and disappointed with being caught up in this lifestyle and not being able to make any promises. I don't know. If this had flow or groove, I might give it a pass because the lyrics aren't offensive. This is just dull ramblings from Boogie and since we have four of his songs to cover, I'm moving on.

75- "Say A'" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie -- OK, this one is a little better. We have two verses separated by choruses instead of one long verse with Boogie rambling on about something. That gives the song a better flow to it. There's also a piano integrated along with Boogie's rap, which gives it an interesting, fun bounce to it. And when Boogie was singing the chorus, I actually believed for a bit that he had something interesting and personal to say. But then we got to the verses and it's the same boring, cliche rap stuff. Bragging about how rich he is and stealing your girl. That type of stuff. Like, come on man. Have a bit of creativity. Write something different. And I don't really know what the "Say A'" stuff means, outside the fact that "A'" rhymes with "say."

84- "Undefeated" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 21 Savage -- Boogie's audition to be included on the next Madden or NBA 2K game. Because this is totally the type of song they include on their games. Dumb rap songs that have some vague sports references. With Boogie bragging about how he's undefeated, that fits quite nicely. Except Boogie is really talking about how awesome of a human being he is, not how good his football team is. Nothing like a man full of himself to get me excited about a song. And of course you know how much I love it when I get the pleasure of hearing 21 Savage mumbling incoherently through his verse. Sarcasm is strong with this one.

86- "Beast Mode" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring PnB Rock & YoungBoy Never Broke Again -- OK, before we even get to this song, can I complain at how annoyingly ridiculous it is to look at the artists on this track? Did Boogie feel the need to feature the dumbest names in rap just to make his awful name not look as bad? Imagine if instead I could type Julius Dubose featuring Rakim Allen and Kentrell Gaulden, because those are their real names. What's so bad about using that? Do you know what? Screw it. I'm using their real names for the rest of this post. Most of this song is Julius and Rakim going back and forth with Julius' second attempted sports song that has nothing to do with sports. Beast Mode being a reference to running back Marshawn Lynch and his power running style, which the two of these guys use to rap about how awesome they are. The annoying part being Rakim sounding like he recorded this song with a golf ball in his mouth. Then Kentrell comes in at the end sounding like he's trying to be cool and hip as possible, while adding absolutely nothing to this song that's really about nothing anyways. The only good thing about talking about this song is that no more songs from Julius' album showed up, so I am officially done with him for now!

98- "Smooth" - Florida Georgia Line -- After having to deal with Danielle and Julius for this whole list thus far, I've never been happier to see Florida Georgia Line show up on the list of new arrivals. Like, I mean that literally. I'm not a fan of these guys, but they're much more tolerable the other stuff I subjected myself to. So this is the only time I've been happy to see them. But I don't want to give them too much credit because this is nothing special. They're just singing about how smooth this girl is. In the type of way that makes me think of a girl being cat-called at by a couple of redneck bystanders seeing her for the first time. Meanwhile she just rolls her eyes, ignores them and moves on with her life. Certainly a huge step above Sam Hunt's "Body Like a Back Road," but not as charming and romantic as Florida Georgia Line were going for. But still. This song has a bounce to it and a groove. It's an actual song. Unlike our other five songs that showed up this week. Let's hope next week is better.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - October 14, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)" - Cardi B (=) -- Last week Cardi B became just the second female rapper in the history of the Billboard charts to be No. 1 on the Hot 100, the first being Lauryn Hill in 1998. In fact, the Nicki Minaj wannabe does something that Nicki hasn't yet accomplished in any form. The highest Nicki got was "Anaconda" at No. 2. Does that mean I should remove the "Nicki Minaj wannabe" title from Cardi? No. I'm keeping it. And, you know, I would be happier for Cardi and her accomplishments, except I don't like the song. In fact, I'm already sick of it being at the top and I'm sad that it's gained traction in all three categories, solidifying its position more this week as opposed to last week where it look like it just barely snagged the top spot.

2- "rockstar" - Post Malone featuring 21 Savage (=) -- Most songs that debut at the top actually dip in their second week. While the sales for "rockstar" plummeted, streaming was really stubborn and didn't budge, meaning that the song stayed put and quite frankly makes me really mad. This is a piece of trash song that doesn't belong anywhere close to the hot 100, let alone No. 2. And I'm really mad that rappers these days are so unintelligent that they have the audacity of calling themselves the new rock stars. They aren't. They're rappers. But you know, intelligence isn't required for song writing these days. And it really frustrates me that the standard for quality music is so low.

3- "Look What You Made Me Do"  Taylor Swift (=) -- With Cardi B looking unstable and Post Malone's sales tanking in week two, Taylor thought she would be clever and add a 69 cent iTunes discount to her song to try to steal that top spot back. It failed.

4- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (=) -- Has this song peaked on the Hot 100? If so, I'm glad it got so high. But I totally wouldn't mind it hanging out here in the top five for a while.

5- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (=) -- It's time for "Despacito" to go. But if we're keeping track, it's now spent 24 weeks in the top 10, nine weeks away from Ed Sheeran's 33-week record. A record I hope it doesn't match. Not because I care about that Ed Sheeran record, I'm still kinda mad that it got it in the first place, but I'm just done with "Despacito."

6- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (=) -- French Montana and Swae Lee stay put at No. 6. I wouldn't mind if they switch spots with "Despacito."

7- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+3) -- The best news in the top 10 by far is that this song wasn't a one-week wonder in the top 10. I was afraid that it was going to jump in at No. 10 and fall right back out. But thanks to radio falling in love with this song, it jumps up three spots to No. 7. Now I hope the upward trend continues because I would be absolutely ecstatic if this jumped into the top five!

8- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (-1) -- Imagine Dragons is now falling back down after getting a bit of a second wind. I would be happy about this, except "Thunder" is soaring up the charts, looking like it is set to replace "Believer" in the top 10. Sigh.

9- "Rake it Up" - Yo Gotti featuring Nicki Minaj (-1) -- I've got to count the small wins. "Rake it Up" should've never got to the top 10. But at least it fell a spot. I would hate it if it hit the top five, but it looks like it's going to fail to do so. Now I just need to find some wood to knock on so this doesn't jump right back up.

10- "Sorry Not Sorry" - Demi Lovato (+5) -- Our new entry to the top 10 is another female!! Wahoo!!! That bumps our number of female entries in the top 10 this year up to 20, that compared to the 72 that have been male. That's 21.7 percent female and 78.3 percent male. Yes, I've been keeping track of that because there came a point that I noticed this year was extremely male heavy, which kind of upset me because I like female singers and I want more of them to have success. As far as Demi songs go, this one is decent and perfectly likable, even though it's not as good as some others on the album, like "Tell Me You Love Me" and "You Don't Do it For Me Anymore." I was also kinda surprised to notice that this is her first top 10 entry in four years. Her other recent songs barely missed. In fact, it's been since "Heart Attack" in 2013. In fact, her highest charting song was "This is Me" with Joe Jonas in 2008, which peaked at No. 9. So "Sorry Not Sorry" has the chance of becoming her highest charting song.

Rising on the Hot 100:

14- "Too Good at Goodbyes" - Sam Smith (+2) -- Can we please get this one back into the top 10? Falling from No. 4 to No. 16 wasn't a surprise. That's normal for a second week drop. But now I would love to see this get traction and soar to the top of the charts. Or at least back into the top 10. This two spot jump this week is good progress.

15- "Bank Account" - 21 Savage (+2) -- I really love how this song failed to get to the top 10 after getting so close. It rebounded a bit this week, but I hope we can keep 21 Savage and his horrible music away from the top 10. Off the charts would be really nice, too.

17- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+13) -- Oh dear. This soared this week I think because of being featured in a commercial. Or something like that. With only 65,000 in sales, it's the top selling song of the week. That's pretty pathetic. Or just a sign that we are reverting more and more to streaming songs than to buying them. It is nice having a rock song topping the sales charts, but I really wish it were a good rock song rather than this empty piece of nothing.

20- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA (+3) -- Well, this slowed down a bit when compared to last week's jump. I just hope this can somehow be stopped before hitting the top 10. Until Maroon 5 relearn how to write actual rock music, I think they should have a permanent ban from the top 10. No one cares. Or rather, no one should care.

44- "Havana" - Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug (+20) -- There must've been a music video drop or a sales discount on this song because this was a surprising jump. I'm not super upset, though. This is decent and I want to see Camila succeed.

46- "do re mi" - blackbear (+5) -- I forgot this song existed. Then I looked at my Excel file and was surprised that I gave it a good grade, so I had to go re-listen to it. And yeah, if we have to have a rap song do well, I can definitely tolerate this. Much better and more catchy than most rap songs these days. But obviously I won't miss it if it falls again.

48- "New Rules" - Dua Lipa (+5) -- I'm happy to see Dua Lipa break top 50. Keep going!

49- "Glorious" - Macklemore featuring Skylar Grey (+13) -- I've been waiting for this song to become a hit and was worried that it would flop. I hope this week is more than just a boost because of the album because Macklemore is one of the few rappers who seems like he cares. More from him later in the new arrivals.

52- "Gucci Gang" - Lil Pump (+19) -- This song rose again? Now I'm seriously concerned. I haven't read one comment from the internet that gives this song praise, even from the rap crowd. But now Lil Pump is going to become a thing and I hate it.

58- "Perfect" - Ed Sheeran (+31) -- Ed Sheeran's third single from his album after "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill." And I think this is a fantastic choice. It re-entered the charts last week and had a huge boost this week. Ed Sheeran is really good with his wedding ballads. If you are tired of them, I understand. But they still get me. Especially since Ed puts so much heart and passion into them. This is so romantic and lovely.

67- "DNA" - BTS (+18) -- I'm genuinely curious to see how well this song does. After its debut last week, I thought it was going to fall off and die. Instead it jumps 18 spots. Can it keep going? I don't think so. But it proved me wrong this week, so we'll see.

78- "No Limit" - G-Eazy featuring A$AP Rocky & Cardi B (+19) -- Huge boost because Cardi B is now at No. 1, right? No other reason for this to be doing well, I don't think.

81- "Fix a Drink" - Chris Janson (+13) -- Country song about getting a drink at a bar. Snooze. Come back with something more interesting, country radio.

New Arrivals:

65- "I Fall Apart" - Post Malone -- Another Post Malone song for a second straight week made me nervous that I was going to have to deal with a Post Malone album soon. While I suppose that could still theoretically happen, this is from his 2016 album "Stoney." You know, the *epic* album that brought us "White Iverson," "Deja Vu" and "Congratulations." Lyrically speaking, there's certainly a lot worse out there. But Post Malone starts the song by groaning and I was hoping that was just the intro, but he's kinda doing the groany yell thing throughout the whole song, which doesn't really go anywhere. He's just whining and complaining about this girl breaking up with him. He thought she would be a keeper because he bought her all this jewelry. Because that's all girls care about, right? Money and riches? Yeah, no. Thus I felt no empathy for Post Malone here. It's like having to deal with an immature teenage boy complaining about being dumped. I just don't care at all and I want him to move on with life.

70- "Good Old Days" - Macklemore featuring Kesha -- I haven't yet listened to Macklemore's new album "GEMINI," yet. But I have it on my queue. A few collaborations worry me, like the Offset and Lil Yachty songs, but I saw Kesha attached to a song and I got excited. That sounded like a winner. And I was certainly right to be excited because this is a solid song. And it starts out as a piano ballad from Kesha as she puts a lot of passion into her chorus. Then it picks up in Macklemore's verses, but goes back to ballad when Kesha takes over the chorus again. It's a solid flow for a Macklemore song that's a lot more toned back and mellow than his usual upbeat self. I also really enjoy the story he tells in this song about how all his thoughts were focused on the future when he was younger. Now that the future has arrived, he laments about the past, wishing he would've taken advantage of those times more while not dwelling on them too much. He sort of realizes that the he needs to do a better job at taking advantage of the present instead of always looking forward to the future. "Maybe I've been missin' what. Been scared of the future, thinkin' about the past, while missin' out on now," he sings in the third verse. I like it. I think Macklemore has a way for words.

94- "Losing Sleep" - Chris Young -- Now in the 90 range we have three country songs before finishing off with A$AP Ferg. Our first one falls into mediocre country range. Chris is just telling us how he wants to make love with this girl all night. That's pretty much it. It's not explicit or raunchy like a lot of rap songs. But I don't think it's quite as romantic as Chris was hoping for. He talks about being wrapped up in the sheets, wanting to breathe the air she breathes, telling her that every touch is special because they're winning when their losing sleep. I'm just sitting here like, get a room Chris. I feel like I'm just an awkward onlooker into something I shouldn't be knowing about.

95- "Like I Loved You" - Brett Young -- From the boring Young to the good Young. Brett Young, if you remember, is the guy who sang "In Case You Didn't Know," a country song from earlier this year that I rather enjoyed and was rather pleased when I saw it do so well on the charts. And now the follow-up single to that huge breakout hit is "Like I Loved You," which has the opposite message to the former song. "In Case You Didn't Know" is a very sweet, romantic love song that is perfect for a wedding playlist. "Like I Loved You" is a sad and somber breakup song. She gives him the "lets be friends" spiel and he doesn't buy it and he doesn't want it. He's realized she never loved him like he loved her and thus he's come to terms with the fact that they're just going to fade into oblivion after going their separate ways. Just like "In Case You Didn't Know," this isn't breaking any ground when it comes to country, but there's an honesty and a passion that Brett brings to this song. He's not trying too hard with the lyrics or the music, rather he's giving us a simple and honest look into some emotions that he's going through in his life. I wish more country was like this.

97- "Round Here Buzz" - Eric Church -- The last of the three country songs of the week comes from Eric Church, who delivers his first single of the year. And no, this is not the start of a new album, this is still from his 2015 album, which gave us "Record Year," "Mr. Misunderstood" and "Kill a Word." Seems like he could've timed this better by releasing these songs a little closer together instead of stretching them out so far. But whatever. How's the song itself? Eh. Whatever is a good way to describe it. Eric is stubbornly sticking to his small town while his girl has left to the big city. He claims that he can have just as much fun down here as she can over there. So ever since she "caught that out there bug," Eric catches himself "a 'round here buzz." I don't know. There's not a lot of life to this song. Feels like a bit of a lazy song to go along with his lazy release pattern of waiting over a year to release another mediocre song from the same album.

98- "Plain Jane" - A$AP Ferg -- For some reason I thought I knew A$AP Ferg. The name sounds awfully familiar, but maybe that's because A$AP Rocky has such a similar name because A$AP Ferg has only had two previous songs chart, with the highest of the two getting to No. 90. So he's apparently not really a mainstream rapper. And perhaps he should go back into obscurity because this isn't worth anything. Sure, unlike rappers such as Lil Pump, it actually sounds like A$AP Ferg actually knows how to rap. He has groove and flow. And he's not trying to copy Migos, like everyone else is. But I have no clue what he's talking about in this song. The lyrics don't make much sense at all, even when I read through them. I suppose if lyrics don't mean a thing for you and all you need is a beat, then I suppose it's possible for you to like this song, but I personally do care about lyrics. It's actually possible to put a lot of depth and emotion into a rap song, but this just sounds like A$AP Ferg through a bunch of random lines together and called it a song. Not my style. Sorry. I prefer my songs to mean something.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - October 7, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B (+1) -- And the Taylor haters rejoice. Ms. Swift could only manage three weeks on top. Meanwhile, Cardi B sneaks onto the top thanks to continually increasing streaming, a 69 cent iTunes discount that sent sales and minor increase to so-so radio play. That aforementioned iTunes discount means this is subject to falling right back off the top spot once sales come back down to earth. But as is, Cardi B is now celebrating becoming just the fifth female rapper to ever top the charts, following Lauryn Hill, Lil' Kim, Shawnna and Iggy Azalea. Among that group, Cardi B is only the second to reign without the help of any other artist, joining Lauryn Hill, who did so back in 1998 with "Doo Wop (That Thing)." So that's kinda cool. Lady rappers don't come around very often and an even fewer number of them achieve mainstream success. I'd be happier for Cardi if this song was worth anything. I was about to call this the worst No. 1 hit of 2017, but then I reminded myself that Migos' "Bad and Boujee" was actually a thing earlier in the year. So Cardi lucked out there.

2- "rockstar" - Post Malone featuring 21 Savage (new) -- Can someone please explain to me why we let these two thugs debut this high? At least we avoided the bullet of them debuting at No. 1. That would've been embarrassing for this country. I really hope this goes away quickly following this debut, but the 46 million US streams in their first week has me nervous. Because for some reason rap dominates on streaming, so that number typically sticks around. My opinion of the song down below.

3- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (-2) -- I keep hearing the word "flop" around the internet after Taylor could only manage three weeks at No. 1. And it makes me want to quote Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." A song that got 353,000 first week sales and reigned for three weeks at No. 1 is ineligible for being referred to as a flop. Not performing as some expected, given how well "Shape of You" and "Despacito" performed? Perhaps. I, too, am surprised how fast the song is losing traction. Maybe not the best sign for Taylor's album. But don't be dumb and call the song a flop. If I'm being honest, though, I'm not too upset. Three weeks at No. 1 is plenty for me and I'm fine with songs taking quicker turns at the top instead of camping out there for too long.

4- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (-1) -- Logic is still gaining streaming and radio with this song, which is a great thing. Post Malone's debut shoved it down a spot is all. But I anticipate and hope for a rebound next week.

5- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (-1) -- "Despacito" I am fine with not getting a rebound. The song lived a long life at the top and now it's time to go. I just wonder what the reputation of this song will end up being.

6- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (+1) -- Oh hey. Another pleasant surprise. I was expecting this song to disappear from the top 10 after it started to fall, but now that's two straight weeks of gaining in the top 10. I'm cool with this.

7- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (+2) -- You know, The Killers released their fifth studio album this past weekend and it's phenomenal. Give it a listen! I really wish they could actually chart a song somewhere on the charts. If Imagine Dragons can send bland, boring rock songs, then awesome rock songs with depth and meaning to them should be able to at least chart, right? But probably not. So I talk about it here because I'm really done with Imagine Dragons right now.

8- "Rake it Up" - Yo Gotti featuring Nicki Minaj (+8) -- I'm not shocked to see this back. I'm also not very happy and I really hope it loses traction again and goes away ASAP.

9- "Attention" - Charlie Puth (-1) -- We FINALLY got rid of Shawn Mendes this week! Now we just need the radio to give way on Charlie Puth so we can get rid of him, too.

10- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+4) -- HOLY COW!!!!!! This hitting the top 10 almost makes me forgive the fact that half of this top 10 is complete garbage and call this the best top 10 of the year. But I'll come back down to Earth and say this top 10 for the most part still sucks. But I'm so happy to see this here and I really hope this continues to gain traction and rises even higher. It's about dang time we get some real quality music in the top 10 that will actually stay around for longer than a week. There is some justice in the world of music.

Rising on the Hot 100:

23- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA (+6) -- I'm bracing myself for my weekly complaint as to why the heck the radio fell in love with another bland Maroon 5 song. I just hope that this makes like "Cold" and freezes over so that it will disappear. But I feel it's catchy enough for people to somehow give it a pass, which makes me angry. Why can't we just give up on Maroon 5?

30- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+10) -- NO!!! I was really enjoying the fact that this song had a hard time gaining traction, but seeing it have a good jump two weeks in a row really has me scared. No more Imagine Dragons, please? Let's toss them to the wayside and forget they existed.

37- "Say You Won't Let Go" - James Arthur (+6) -- James Arthur wishes he would've made the top 10. And I wouldn't have minded it. Seeing him get a slight rebound actually reminds me that this song existed and is fairly enjoyable. But I haven't missed it.

44- "When it Rains it Pours" - Luke Combs (+5) -- Why is this the country song gaining the most traction this week?

46- "Crew" - GoldLink featuring Brent Faiyz & Shy Glizzy (+5) -- I totally forgot this song existed. I gave it a C- in my little Excel chart back in July. That must mean that I wasn't too impressed, but didn't hate life while listening to it. But I honestly can't remember what it sounds like and I don't care enough to go give it another listen. If it continues to gain traction, maybe I'll give it another listen to refresh my memory. But not this week.

47- "Heartache on the Dance Floor" - Jon Pardi (+5) -- No love for country this week as Luke Combs and Jon Pardi are the only two songs to gain significant rises. Shame. There's actually some good country songs around, but of course country radio chooses to accept the bad ones.

61- "Bad at Love" - Halsey (+10) -- Halsey is bad at love and also bad at disappearing from the charts. I can't panic yet because this hasn't yet broke top 50 and her previous singles didn't do incredibly well. But I still hope this loses traction soon.

71- "Gucci Gang" - Lil Pump (+10) -- Why in the name of everything good and right did this song INCREASE this week? I was hoping it would be a one and done on the charts given how untalented this thug is even when compared to the other untalented thugs that do so well. Let's not make Lil Pump a thing because that means other people are going to want to start collaborating with him because that's what they do when rappers gain traction. And that would be awful.

79- "Pill and Automobiles" - Chris Brown featuring Yo Gotti, A Boogie wit da Hoodie & Kodak Black (+19) -- At least it makes sense why this song gained traction this week. It actually has real rappers. And that's the nicest thing I'll ever say about these four, so if you're a fan of either one, then take notes. But don't get too excited because this is still an awful song that doesn't deserve to be rising. It's just not as bad as the horrendous Lil Pump song ahead of it.

New Arrivals: 

2- "rockstar" - Post Malone featuring 21 Savage -- Before I listened to this song, I turned out and jammed to Nickelback's "Rockstar" from 2005. Don't judge me. That's a fun, self-aware song where Nickelback makes fun of the life of rock stars. A life that Post Malone and 21 Savage will NEVER experience because they are NOT rock stars. So when they write a song called "rockstar" and sing about how they feel like rock stars, it is incredibly stupid. Because apparently the only requirement, according to Post Malone, to be a rock star is to sleep with women and do drugs. That's what this is. Then 21 Savage comes in and forgets that they are singing about rock stars and says that he feels like a pop star. Also wrong. The only positive thing that I can come up with is that I've heard much worse from these two, but that's not saying much.

66- "Too Much to Ask" - Niall Horan -- For better or for worse, Niall is the only former 1D member that is writing songs that actually sound like 1D songs. Zayn went completely crazy, Harry went 70's rock, Liam went desperate and Louis decided to write good music. Niall has decided to stick to the simple, hollow love songs that 1D was famous for. Except he doesn't have the vocals or talent to make me care. He has an album coming up here on October 20 and I have a feeling it's going to be the type of album that will put me to sleep, despite my Apple Music claiming it will only be 10 songs and 35 minutes long. "Too Much to Ask" is very similar to "This Town" and "Slow Hands." It's slow, simple and sounds like Niall himself recorded it while he was sleep deprived. He gives a very basic breakup ballad where he is sad about losing this girl and wants her back because he's not over her yet and hopes that she isn't over him, either. We've never heard that before, have we Niall? The song isn't offensive or horrible. It's just forgettable. Like most of 1D's stuff when they were together.

67- "Curve" - Gucci Mane featuring The Weeknd -- Word on the street is that Gucci is working on a collaboration with Jake Paul. Someone please just send the apocalypse already so we don't have to be subjected to that. In the meantime, we get subjected to this collaboration with The Weeknd, who once upon a time actually recorded an album that I enjoyed. Strange. That seems so long ago. Because every time The Weeknd is featured on a song I keep telling myself that maybe he'll at least be decent, but he's not. In this song, The Weeknd has two short bars that he repeats over and over with different words each time. And that's supposed to be music. I don't know how people are entertained by such boring, dull repetitions, especially when the lyrics are pure trash. Meanwhile, Gucci plays Migos for most of the song until he finally gives himself a verse towards the end where he gives his normal, disgusting Gucci stuff with lyrics I don't care to repeat. Can we please get rid of this guy?

85- "DNA" - BTS -- I was wondering if I was going to have to cover these guys this week. I saw their album was released and almost gave it a listen out of curiosity. But I decided to wait. BTS is the band that I refer to as the Korean One Direction and they have a HUGE online, social media presence. The Billboard's formula here in the U.S. only takes into account U.S. streaming numbers or else these guys would certainly be a lot bigger. I call them the Korean 1D because there's seven of them and they really only sing generic love songs that require only one singer, but the seven of them switch off taking the melody. Which is not the style of boy band I like. I prefer harmonization among the members with each member having a specific purpose in the band. That's not what I get here. Not only do I have a hard time telling the difference between them when they switch off, but I listen to this and feel like we could get rid of four or five members and BTS would still sound the exact same. The thing that sets them apart from 1D is that Koreans love their EDM. So BTS is really like a EDM Korean 1D, which makes it kinda fun to dance to, especially since I can't understand what they are saying. The English translation of this song on Genius assures me that the lyrics are essentially a pointless afterthought, anyways. So I'll take this. I don't expect it to stick around, though.

92- "Homemade Dynamite" - Lorde featuring Khalid, Post Malone & SZA -- It's always great to see Lorde on the charts, especially after "Green Light" and "Liability" both failed to gain any traction, which I'm still mad about. "Melodrama" is my favorite album of the year, one that I give a solid A grade to. "Homemade Dynamite" slides in right at track No. 3 and it's the song that I call the lesser of the songs on "Melodrama," but I still think it's a solid song and I'm happy to see it here. Even though I call it the lesser song, it still adds to the narrative of the emotions she is going through on the album. All of "Melodrama" is her first experience with adulthood, which comes with quite the crazy train ride, if you know what I mean. So there's a lot of ups and downs on the albums. When she hits the downs on the album, it's deep, depressing and emotional. When she hits the ups, it's fun and upbeat. This song is one of those ups. And it's an early up before her life collapses. She's just out having fun with this guy and she is hoping that this relationship will go somewhere.

That's the original, anyways. This remix is the same tone, but it adds a whole lot of voices. I suppose that's what we get when the first two songs fail as singles. Lorde goes into the wood works and re-records a song with some of the bigger names in music at the moment in hopes that she will gain relevance. It's unfortunate that she had to do that, but I blame America for rejecting her and forcing her hand. So how does this turn out? Well, not bad actually. Each singer gets a verse, adding their experience to this crazy, wild night, and they come together on the choruses. And surprisingly, all singers do well with their verse. Even Post Malone. My problem is that the original narrative speaks specifically of two individuals hoping to spark a relationship. If it were just Lorde and Khalid, I would have zero problem with this. But SZA and Post Malone's parts don't make any sense to the overall story of the song. It's like Lorde and Khalid transformed into SZA and Post Malone. I don't really like that. It's confusing and unnecessary and only done for Lorde to gain relevance. I still hope this succeeds, but this remix takes things down a notch in terms of quality with too many voices.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - September 30, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (=) -- A third week for Taylor at the top, but her sales and streaming continue to tank. She has 69,000 sales, down 39 percent and 39.9 million U.S. streams, down 35 percent. Radio rises to an audience of 75 million, which is up 11 percent and is probably going to be the metric that keeps her around. But I'm suddenly starting to doubt if this is a song that's going to stick around for as long as I thought it would, given what decently average songs like "Despacito" and "Shape of You" accomplished. In fact, Taylor doesn't lead in any of the three aforementioned categories, which sometimes happens when one song is balanced enough to get enough points while the other songs are super lopsided towards one specific category. With this week, Sam Smith got a buttload of first week sales, Cardi B ruled on streaming, while radio is madly in love with Charlie Puth for some annoying reason. But none of those songs are doing well at all in the other categories, so Taylor gets a third week at No. 1. But I wonder how long it's going to last.

2- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)" - Cardi B (=) -- One would think that Cardi B would be in line to jump to the top if Taylor continues to tank. The problem is the song doesn't seem to want the crown. It also tanked on sales and streaming, albeit slightly less than Taylor in the latter category, thus gaining the top spot on streaming. And radio has never really done anything for the song. Rightfully so. No one needs to hear this poisonous monstrosity in their ears. I still don't know why it's here or why it ever got this high in the first place. I'm just waiting for it to collapse and die.

3- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (+2) -- Meanwhile, continuing to be an extremely pleasant surprise, Logic takes his suicide prevention song up even further on the charts to No. 3 thanks to continued solid gains in streaming and radio, even if sales are going the wrong direction. Wouldn't it be so awesome if this wound up being our No. 1 song? I would love that. As is, it's now the highest charting song for all three of these artists. Good for them!

4- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (-1) -- I don't know if I have that much more to say about "Despacito." It had it's time in the spotlight. A really long time in the spotlight. Now I'm just wondering if this is just going to be a weird fad that we experienced in 2017 or if this song will actually be remembered 10 years from now. Actual Latino countries might continue to remember the original version while here in America I think we'll quickly forget that this Bieber remix ever existed.

5- "Too Good at Goodbyes" - Sam Smith (new) -- Man, I love this song. And I'm super happy it debuted in the top five. Well deserved for Sam Smith. Now it's going to experience a second week drop and disappear from the top 10, but I really hope that it ends up gaining traction and becomes the fall hit. More on this song down below in the new arrivals section. But if you're curious, the song arrives with 90,000 first week sales with streaming and radio numbers that I really hope catches up.

6- "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna & Bryson Tiller (=) -- DJ Khaled and is gang stay at No. 6 this week. Shame. It deserves to fall faster. Make it happen America!

7- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (+2) -- Oh hey! Here's a pleasant surprise! I was hoping that "Unforgettable" would hang on a bit longer and rise above the other songs that are falling out of the top 10. And it actually happened. America is finally starting to reject Charlie Puth and Imagine, who never belonged in the top 10 with their current songs.

8- "Attention" - Charlie Puth (-1) -- But for some reason, as I previously mentioned, Charlie Puth is king of radio right now. Radio stations need to give up their love affair with Charlie Puth and start playing songs that actually deserve to be played on the radio. It's one of those times where I'm glad the speakers on my car don't  work.

9- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (-1) -- That's right. Get the fetch out of here Dan Reynolds. And take your boring rock song and bland rock band with you. Go back to the drawing board and come up with something good. Because none of this nonsense you've brought us with your third album is deserving of this amount of praise. And it pains me to say that because I was once a huge fan.

10- "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" - Shawn Mendes (=) -- Why? I thought we were done with Shawn Mendes last week. I'm angry that he's hung in for one more week. Heck, I was angry that he showed up in the top 10 in the first place, but I'm really angry that he hasn't yet left.

Rising on the Hot 100:

11- "Slow Hands" - Niall Horan (+4) -- I don't really find this song that entertaining. It's kind of a boring song that you would expect from one of the lesser 1D members who has been left all alone. But man, if it means kicking out Charlie Puth, Imagine Dragons and/or Shawn Mendes, I will accept this with open arms. For a few weeks. Then it needs to go because it mainly puts me to sleep and makes me upset that the talented 1D members aren't finding success.

12- "Strip that Down" - Liam Payne featuring Quavo (+2) -- But hey, at least this song left the top 10. I can only hope that it stays out, because we don't need to encourage Liam to write songs like this. And we certainly don't need anymore Quavo in our lives.

14- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+4) -- This, on the other hand, gets me super excited and giddy. In a year that's been mostly boring and dull in the top 10, wouldn't it be absolutely fantastic if we actually got a super good song that's much different from our usual affair to cross over into the top 10? I'm pulling for this! And I beg of you to buy it and/or stream it so that it can make the cut!

19- "Mi Gente" - J Balvin & Willy William (+3) -- J Balvin has finally cracked the top 20 with "Mi Gente" after being stuck in the 20's for several weeks. I'm honestly curious if this is heading to replace "Despacito" in the top 10 because it's slowly rising while "Despacito" slowly falls. If "Mi Gente" does crack top 10, I will be super impressed because that will mean it's a Latino song that managed to crack the top 10 WITHOUT an English remix. If it doesn't crack the top 10 and simply peaks here in the teens, well, I won't be super upset. It's had a good run that I'm satisfied with.

24- "I Get the Bag" - Gucci Mane featuring Migos (+7) -- NO! So much no!! Get these thugs out of here and send their awful song with them. Please don't let this be our next rap entry into the top 10.

26- "Young Dumb & Broke" - Khalid (+7) -- Khalid now has a top three hit thanks to Logic. Now can he get another entry into the top 10 completely on his own? I wouldn't be surprised. This seems like the song that the radio would fall in love with. And I won't be upset if it does. This kid certainly has a lot more talent and song writing abilities than that of Charlie Puth and Shawn Mendes. Combined. But I also won't be upset if this gets stuck around this region. It's alright and inoffensive, but not the best.

32- "What Ifs" - Kane Brown featuring Lauren Alaina (+8) -- We've almost arrived to the point in our lives where "Body Like a Back Road" is no longer the top country song. "What Ifs" is SO close to finally dethroning it. This isn't necessarily the country song that I would pick to take the title, but there could also be a whole lot worse.

40- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+5) -- I keep expecting "Thunder" to start rising on the charts while crossing my fingers that it continues to stall out. It's suffered from a lot of indecisiveness. As if people can't decide if they want to accept it because of its awesome beat or reject it due to its completely lifeless and empty lyrics. I'm kinda hoping for the latter. Especially since I'm currently hoping all of Imagine Dragons' music just burns and dies. "Night Visions" just seems like such a long time ago.

47- "Unforgettable" - Thomas Rhett (+16) -- I still start singing French Montana's version of this song when I see this rising. Thomas Rhett has never been able to connect this song to my mind. This song being so forgettable is pretty bad.

71- "Bad at Love" - Halsey (+10) -- No time to panic yet. Halsey's new song hasn't broke top 70. But if this continues to rise, I will start complaining. Yes, I want more female representation. But I'd rather have GOOD female representation, not whatever this is.

New Arrivals:

5- "Too Good at Goodbyes" - Sam Smith -- I don't want to get too personal with this song, because I'm not intending on getting sympathy from readers and friends after they read this, but if you want to know how I'm feeling right now when it comes to my love life and relationships, this is the song to listen to. I was intrigued when I saw Sam Smith releasing a new song because the man genuinely has an excellent voice and fantastic writing abilities, but I kid you not, the second I started playing this, especially after knowing what the title was, it instantaneously connected with me. And the more I've listened to it, the more I've found that it connects with me on every level. Because it's my story about how I feel. About this song, Sam Smith said that he wanted to update everyone on his love life, which he admits still sucks and that sadly states that he is very single. At least when he wrote the song. Which, yeah, guess what? Same here.

Check out these lyrics, "I'm never going to let you close to me, even though you mean the most to me, 'cause every time I open up, it hurts. So I'm never going to get too close to you, even when I mean the most to you, in case you go and leave me in the dirt."

Or how about this, "I know you think I'm heartless. I know you think I'm cold. I'm just protectin' my innocence. I'm just protecting my soul."

Yep. I can just leave it at that. Not to mention the man's voice in the song is beyond beautiful and the music behind this sad love ballad is perfect. And I certainly have to give kudos to Sam Smith for being openly gay, yet perfect at writing love songs that connect with people regardless of their sexual orientation. Not that I would be upset at a love song specifically for people who are homosexual. Halsey did it with "Strangers" and I had zero problem with that aspect of the song. I just find it impressive that Sam can write a song that connects with all people. And do you know what Sam, for the sake of me and you both, I hope we each find the lover that we are looking for. Because, yeah, dating sucks. But it'll get better. Hopefully. In the meantime, using music to express what's honestly on your mind is something that I have a lot of respect for.

44- "Dusk Till Dawn" - Zayn featuring Sia -- Horse manure with a side of ice cream served for dinner? The idea of this song is so strange. We combine the efforts of the least talented member of 1D with perhaps my favorite female vocalist. It just doesn't seem right. Like me trying to country dance. But what would win out when I played the actual song? Zayn or Sia? Well, neither. Which makes me more conflicted. This isn't just Sia thrown in as an after thought with a third verse feature or something. For much of the song they are singing together. And Zayn sounds so lazy and bored while Sia sounds like she's doing her best to make the most out of these Zayn-y lyrics. Think of any song Zayn has ever written while off on his own and this is no better. He just wants to get together with this girl, not for the sake of love and relationships, but for her body and for the opportunity to sleep with her. But Sia puts a lot of emotion into anyways and almost sells it, but is held back by Zayn just trudging along with her, singing the song as lazily as he wrote it. Everyone once in a while he breaks out and channels his inner Sia, showing the world that he actually has a good voice. But then he goes back to his normal lazy self. So yeah, I don't know what to do with this.

62- "Love So Soft" - Kelly Clarkson -- Speaking of being conflicted, this new song from Kelly also sends me in so many different directions. Except this time around, it's just Kelly as opposed to Zayn and Sia combining to stretch me in different directions. Simply put, Kelly has a lot of fire and soul that she puts into the verses of this song that I really love. Then we slam on the brakes during the chorus, giving me whiplash as I'm suddenly subjected to a chorus that is perhaps the most boring and lazy chorus that Kelly has ever written, both in terms of the boring lyrics and the one-note music, which she ends with an annoying squeak. If the whole song were like the verses, then I think I would love this. But it's not. So I don't. I'm still intrigued by her upcoming album, though. The song "Move You," the other song she's released, is genuinely good. And if she's going soul, I hold out hope there are some good soul songs hidden in there. But it's a swing and a miss for me on the lead-off single. And you shouldn't be too shocked. Outside "Never Again" and "Catching My Breath," I haven't been impressed with a Kelly song since she released her album "Breakaway."

73- "I'll Name the Dogs" - Blake Shelton -- So Sam Smith is opening up to us that his love life sucks. Zayn, Sia and Kelly are doing... something. And Blake Shelton is busy naming dogs. OK, whatever Blake. I just hoped he was being literal with this and not referring to something else. Which thankfully he is being literal. He's saying that he's ready to marry this girl and he says that she can name the babies and he'll name the dogs. This after he lists off a whole bunch of stereotypical man/woman roles that they can do. I don't want to say this is being misogynistic or sexist, because it's not. But stereotypical is a good word. He can go do all his stereotypical guy things and she can do all the stereotypical girl things and they can live happily ever after in their boring, cliche country life. I will give Blake some credit for having more of a groove than he usually does, but I just had my eyebrow cocked the whole time while listening in a state of bored confusion. I don't connect with this at all and I don't know how people can. But whatever.

80- "Found You" - Kane Brown -- While Kane is currently shooting up the charts with "What Ifs," which is poised to take the top spot on the country charts, he also sneaks in this. I will say that this is less baffling and weird than Blake's song, we have our typical, guy meets girl country song from Kane. This time guy is in a bar, missing his girl, when guy's friend drags him out to a party guy doesn't want to go to where guy meets girl and is now happy. And I'm sure if we told the next part of this story it would be a lather, rinse, repeat sort of situation. Kudos for being original, Kane. NOT. Throw in your typical non-country country rock stuff and we got ourselves a 2017 country song.

81- "Gucci Gang" - Lil Pump -- Lil Pump? Are we for real? Lil Wayne made sense as a rapper name. Lil Uzi Vert didn't and neither did Lil Yachty. Now we have another Lil joining the group with the dumbest name of them all. Lil Pump. Like seriously, who comes up with these? And why? It just sounds like a rapper name that a 12-year-old punk kid would give himself when he's trying to be cool... shortly after learning that he can swear. Oh, you want me to talk about this song? OK. It sucks. This whatever the heck he is does everything I hate about modern club rappers. Trying to feed off Migos while repeating his horrible title over and over in between talking about sleeping with women, including his teacher, while doing drugs, selling drugs, not caring about relationships. Just fame, fortune, drugs and sex. And we're encouraging this punk to keep going. Ouch. I hate 2017 sometimes. I hope this dies.

85- "No Limit" - G-Eazy featuring A$AP Rocky & Cardi B -- Who gave these three permission to get together and write a song? Granted, I'll take this over whatever that Lil Pump song was, but that's not saying too much. Also, to be fair to G-Eazy, I haven't hated the stuff that he's done. He just kinda bores me. When he teams up with someone talented, it's tolerable. But when he teams up like this, it's not. I don't like anyone who puts a dollar sign in their name these days and I hate how we have two Nicki Minajes corrupting the music industry. Again, slight credit goes to this song having more of a flow and bounce than some rap songs. But the content is the same boring, awful rap stuff. Listening to these words doesn't please my ears.

98- "Pills and Automobiles" - Chris Brown featuring Yo Gotti, A Boogie wit da Hoodie & Kodak Black -- Speaking of people that shouldn't get together, what in the heck is happening here? An awful rapper combined with a boring rapper combined with the rapper that has the world's worst name combined with another awful rapper. No way this works out. Haven't we all learned by now that Chris Brown can't rap and can't write good songs? And auto-tuning his voice while bringing in all his friends isn't going to help anything. He starts this song by repeating the word wet 14 times. And that sets the tone for the rest of the song because you know exactly what's going to happen.

99- "Let Me Go" - Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso featuring Florida Georgia Line & watt -- Well that's a mouthful to type up and try to digest. Hailee the pop singer, Alesso the EDM artist, Florida Georgia Line the country duo and watt the guitarist. So let me break this down for you. This is Hailee being desperate. Because that's what she's turned into in regards to her music career. A desperate pop singer. In this song, she's singing a boring breakup song that we've heard a thousand times, but somehow she convinced Florida Georgia Line to come in a do a quick verse while letting Alesso and watt take care of all the music and instrumentation behind her. Hailee isn't bad in this. Her voice is good. But she has so much potential that I feel she is just wasting right now. And if you're going to bring in a country duo, then commit to it. They're barely in the song. Their only purpose is to add a name to the song to get sales because they certainly add nothing to the song. Alesso and watt do fine with the production, but Alesso being one of my favorite EDM artists has done much better. If this was a head-banging Alesso song that uses Hailee's voice, then I'd be totally down with this. But that's not what it is. This is boring and desperate where no one involved seemed like they really cared.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - September 23, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (=) -- In Taylor's second week at the top of the charts, she nosedives pretty sharply in both streaming and sales, but that's to be expected after a huge debut. But despite the expected second full week dip, she still collected 114,000 sales and 61.2 million streams. And radio, which is always the metric slowest to catch up, jumped from 64 million in audience last week to 72 million this week. The big question will be where does the song go from here? Is it going to keep falling and fade away or will it recapture some traction and stay in this spot for 10+ weeks? Personally I don't mind if either happened. I like the song and am fine with it being here, but I won't be offended if we did more sharing with this spot.

2- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)" - Cardi B (+1) -- Don't be deceived with this song rising to the No. 2 spot. There's not a competition between Cardi B and Taylor for the top spot. Not yet, anyways. Cardi B is getting a whole ton of streaming with this song, but radio and sales are pretty much dead. I'm guessing this stays at No. 2 and never gets to No. 1. Or maybe that's what I'm hoping will happen.

3- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (-1) -- If Taylor never swept in, "Despacito" would've ended its reign at the top with a record-breaking 17 weeks and given way to Cardi B. I'm certainly grateful that the latter didn't happen and I'm totally fine with Mariah and Boyz II Men only having to share their crown as opposed to giving it up completely.

4- "...Ready for It?" - Taylor Swift (new) -- This I didn't actually expect to hit top five. But what it says is that when the album is released, you'll definitely know my opinion on this blog because I imagine every song will make an appearance. As is the norm for Taylor, actually. Hence is why I think she has the record for most Hot 100 entries for a female. Also, with Taylor having two concurrent top five hits, she is the first artist to do it since... herself back in February 2015 with "Blank Space" and "Shake it Off." With Taylor's two songs and Cardi B's song, this is also the first time since December 2014 that we've had three solo women as lead artists in the top five. With Taylor and Cardi at the top two spots, its the first time solo women have occupied the top two spots concurrently since that same December 2014 weekend. This needs to happen more often. I don't know why we don't accept female singers today as much as we do male singers, but we need to. And I'm not trying to be politically correct here. I just like female singers and I want them to get more hits. Finally, my opinion on this song will be below.

5- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (+4) -- I was under the impression last week that this would be a one week appearance in the top 10 following the VMA performance of the song. But man, I am so happy to see this song rising up to the top five. It's slipping on sales, so I don't know how long it will be here, but I hope that streaming and radio can keep this alive because a song that helps people with suicidal thoughts get help definitely deserves praise.

6- "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna & Bryson Tiller (-2) -- The rest of these songs all seem to be on their way out. They all are losing momentum and they all dropped two spots. Now we're just waiting for new songs to replace them. Quite frankly I'm glad that this one never hit No. 1. And I hope it fizzles out and dies as fast as DJ Khaled's other song, "I'm the One," once that song FINALLY dropped out of the top five.

7- "Attention" - Charlie Puth (-2) -- I've never been a fan of this song. Boring pop song from a boring white guy writing generic lyrics. I'm glad that it's heading out.

8- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (-2) -- I'm also glad that Imagine Dragons is heading out. They're a lot of good rock songs around. Let's bring a good one into the top 10 and not another bland one like this. And for the love of all things good, let's keep "Thunder" FAR AWAY from the top 10.

9- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (-2) -- This is the song that I'd actually like to recover and get ahead of all these songs. I wanted it to last longer. Oh well. Life goes on.

10- "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" - Shawn Mendes (-2) -- Can we please get rid of Shawn Mendes next week? That would make me so happy!!

Rising on the Hot 100:

11- "Rake it Up" - Yo Gotti featuring Nicki Minaj (+2) -- We have a decent slate of rising songs due to all of the atrocious XXXTENTACION and Lil Uzi Vert songs tanking or dropping out as the Hot 100 resets itself back to normal. This is not a song effected by that as the highest as the highest debut from those two thugs was No. 31. But I say that just so you know why some of the other songs jumped so high. "Rake it Up" jumped into the top 10 a few weeks ago after the music video, then it thankfully dropped out. And now it looks like its slowly back on its way in. I just hope it sputters out here at No. 11 or doesn't stay very long because no one on earth needs this atrocity.

13- "Sorry Not Sorry" - Demi Lovato (+5) -- Speaking of female singers, let's get Demi into the top 10! I would've preferred it if it were "Tell Me You Love Me" soaring up, but I'll take this. It might be an average Demi song, but it's worthy of replacing one of our dumb songs that are falling out.

18- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+2) -- I am so addicted to this song. Happy to see it slowly rising. I would love it if the top 10 were its final destination, but I fear it might get stuck here in the teens. But even so, I'm happy that it got this high.

27- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA (+46) -- This was expected. First full week of sales cause a major boost. I'm not offended by this song. If you missed my thoughts on it last week in the midst of all the crap from the aforementioned thugs, this is catchy and groovy enough for me to say whatever and not be brokenhearted, but its still a bland, boring Maroon 5 song. I wish Adam Levine would reach back into the past and learn from his older self how to write good music.

31- "I Get the Bag" - Gucci Mane featuring Migos (+11) -- Dog crap with a side of horse manure. We did we let this song get all the way up to No. 31?

44- "The Race" - Tay-K (+20) -- And who in the living fetch is streaming and selling this atrocity? If you are one of them, cancel your subscription to whatever streaming service you listen to, delete all of your music and never listen to a song again. You have lost all your rights and privileges to music.

46- "Transportin'" - Kodak Black (+11) -- You know, I really wish all of these XXX and Lil Uzi songs were replaced by actual good music, not any of this trash.

48- "When it Rains it Pours" - Luke Combs (+8) -- Hey, it's not an awful rap song rising! It's a boring country song instead. Joy...

69- "B.E.D." - Jacquees (+17) -- I spoke too soon. It's time to start panicking here because this seems like it's going top 50 and I have no idea why.

73- "Havana" - Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug (+10) -- Heck, I'll take this one over those others. Even if we do have Young Thug. Practically a masterpiece compared to our previous five songs.

76- "They Don't Know" - Jason Aldean (+13) -- More bland country music getting popular.

78- "Every Little Thing" - Carly Pearce (+15) -- FINALLY!!!!! Did I have to wait all the way until No. 78 to get a song rising that's worthy of rising?

82- "More Girls Like You" - Kip Moore (+16) -- TWO IN A ROW!!!!

83- "It Ain't My Fault" - Brothers Osborne (+17) -- THREE IN A ROW!!!!!!

84- "Wish I Knew" - The Revivalists (+12) -- FOUR IN A ROW!!!!! Now can we please replace these previous songs with the other duds that are rising instead? Why can't we accept good music in this country?

New Arrivals:

4- "...Ready for It?" - Taylor Swift -- Now this is more like the Taylor we're all used to. I would contend this is a lot closer to the stuff from "Red" and "1989" than it is to "Look What You Made Me Do." Taylor doing her typical romance songs instead of a bitter diss track. Makes me think that "Look What You Made Me Done" was released first to get people's attention while the whole album won't quite be like that. But we'll see on November 10. This certainly has me intrigued because, while the lyrics are more simple and generic about her essentially crushing after a guy, the thing that makes it most unique is that there is a strong electronic vibe to it. This is practically a straight up EDM song from Taylor. The type of thing that I was hoping would be released when her and Calvin Harris were a thing. Perhaps I'm biased because I love EDM, but I think this is a sound that works for Taylor. I really wanted that Calvin Harris/Taylor Swift collaboration because I envisioned what Taylor's voice would sound like with that EDM backdrop and I liked what I envisioned. Now I feel like I got it with this song. This even has a pretty good drop that should get people excited at parties. In fact, if you take the "Let the games begin" segment of the pre-chorus out of context, this would also make a great stadium song. So yeah, I really enjoy this, even though the lyrics don't jump out at me.

77- "These Heaux" - Bhad Bhabie -- Remember that one girl from the viral Dr. Phil video who said the phrase "Cash me ousside how bow dah" and how some insane person remixed it into a song that ACTUALLY debuted on the Billboard charts? Well, she's back. And this time with an actual song and not a remix of a song from something that she said. Her name is Danielle Bregoli. But she's calling herself Bhad Bhabie. A wretchedly awful name from a punk 14-year-old girl that no one should be paying any attention to. If you watched the actual video clip that got turned into a remixed viral hit, then you'll know how annoying this girl is and you'll know how awful it would be if she released a song. And yeah, it's as bad as you would think. From the moment you see the word "heaux" and realize it's just a purposely misspelled version of "hoes," you know you're in for a doozy. She doesn't want to be compared to "these hoes" who do some awful stuff. This girl has no ounce of talent in her and is nothing but controversy. Can we please not give her a stage like this? I hope this is gone next week and that nothing else from her ever debuts on the charts again.

81- "Bad at Love" - Halsey -- Despite me not being madly in love with Halsey's "Now or Never," I actually listened to her whole album when it came out because the girl has potential and I was wanting to see if I could salvage anything from the album. And I could. There were some decent songs on there like "Eyes Closed," "Sorry," "Good Morning" and "Devil in Me." But "Bad at Love" wasn't one of them. Granted, it's not an awful song. And I do appreciate the self-awareness with Halsey claiming she's bad at love and the problems with her relationship are probably her fault. Not enough of that going around. But the song as a whole is just lackluster and uninteresting. Halsey doesn't display any vocal talent. There's no strong melody that sticks in your head. To me it just seemed like a song Halsey quickly threw together to fill space on the album and now for some reason has decided to release as a single.

86- "Greatest Love Story" - LANco -- The greatest love story? Well that's a lofty title to live up to. But I suppose when you're talking to the girl you want to marry, it's right to think that the two of you are going to be the greatest love story the world has ever seen. This here is a simple, acoustic love ballad from a country ballad that I've never heard of where our lead singer tells a detailed story of him and his high school sweetheart. They were perfect for each other, but then she went off to college and their lives went in different directions. After the first two verses, the chorus is in past tense as he's singing that "we were going to be the greatest love story." But TWIST. She comes back after four years and the final chorus is in present tense. They go on a date again. They find there are mutual feelings still. So he buys a ring and proposes to her and she says... well, we'll never know. The song leaves us on a cliffhanger. Overall not a country song that I'll play for my friends when I brag about the good country songs I found hidden on the Billboard charts this year, but it's not bad.

97- "Sky Walker" - Miguel featuring Travis Scott -- Yes. Miguel is rapping about Star Wars. Kinda. I think he's trying to be clever here by using the play on Star Wars by calling his song "Sky Walker" instead of "Skywalker." And since he's a big Star Wars fan, he has decided to throw in a line saying that's he's just having fun and "Luke Skywalkin' on his haters." So he's turned Luke into a verb. And I'm not really sure how this metaphor fits into his song and I don't know exactly what he's meaning. We've also got some "Top Gun" in there with Tom Cruise, so he's being super clever with his movie references used as boring rap metaphors in his boring rap song filled with plenty of Migos sound effects that had me annoyed and a useless feature from Travis Scott, who doesn't sound too different from Miguel. If you're not paying attention, you might miss him. The song is also too long (4:20) for how little content there is. Maybe he should've used some actual creativity and shaved a whole minute off the song. It could've been fine. Miguel is better than XXX and Lil Uzi and certainly better than that Danielle girl. But I'm not giving this a pass.

100- "No Fear" - DeJ Loaf -- For some reason I see the name DeJ Loaf and I feel I should be more familiar with this girl. But I'm not. My first thought was intrigue that we're getting a female rapper not named Cardi B or Nicki Minaj who actually sounded like she hand talent. At least the internet listed her as a rapper. I don't know what her previous material is like and I don't really care to know, but this isn't rap. I suppose you could call it R&B if you wanted, but this is more like a simple pop song. In fact, this reminds me of a young, toned-down Rihanna. It's a love song kinda similar to LANco's "Greatest Love Song" that I just covered. But it's simpler than that, yet seems to have a lot more sincerity to it. DeJ Loaf is singing from the heart that she really cares for her lover and she wants them to be together, despite the tough challenges that life is throwing their way. But if they do their best to ignore all of the stuff happening around them, she knows they can make. It's simple, yet sincere and I really enjoy it. I didn't know what to expect from this, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Friday, September 8, 2017

DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - September 16, 2017

The new Billboard charts have arrived and so it's time again for me to give you my thoughts! In this weekly post, I cover three sections. First, I give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Second, I give my thoughts on the songs that experienced significant gains below the top 10. Third, I give my initial thoughts on our new arrivals this week. I reserve the right to switch things up in the future, but for now this is what I'm sticking with. I've followed the Billboard charts for a long time now and this is a great way for me to express my thoughts to the world. I hope you enjoy!

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:

1- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (+76) -- Taylor fails to debut at No. 1 because three days of radio play alone got the song to debut at No. 77 last week, but I'm sure she won't lose too much sleep over that. After its first full week, Taylor got 350,000 sales, 80 million streams and 64 million in radio audience. That sales mark is the highest this year. The streaming is the most ever for a female artist. And that much radio in one week is pretty great, although I don't think that sets any records. If you were hoping this song was going to go away because you're one who hates, your remaining 2017 is gonna be miserable because this isn't going anywhere. Taylor also becomes the first female to hit No. 1 without a male since Adele's "Hello." The only other female to be No. 1 in any capacity this year is Halsey as featured on The Chainsmokers' "Closer." Personally I'm glad to get some more female representation.

2- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber  (-1) -- After 16 weeks at No. 1, "Despacito" falls to No. 2, thus failing to break the record. And it's confirmed. Had Taylor not swung in, "Despacito" would be king. Not that that means anything. Now the question is how long can this song stay in the top 10? Radio and sales are slipping, but streaming is still really good, so I imagine this will hang around.

3- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B (=) -- Our Nicki Minaj wannabe passes Rihanna, but gets passed by Taylor, so she stays at No. 3. I'm not complaining. But hey, three females in the top five. That's a good thing.

4- "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna & Bryson Tiller (-2) -- Let the fall begin! I'm so glad Rihanna failed to get another No. 1. She didn't deserve it. Now lets hope this song tumbles and dies. But sadly that radio will probably keep it around.

5- "Attention" - Charlie Puth (=) -- Charlie flips with Imagine Dragons to stay put in the top five. Not sure how I feel about that. I don't want either song in the top five, so I suppose I'm happy one of them is gone.

6- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (-2) -- Imagine Dragons tumbled two spots this week. That's good! Now let's get this out!

7- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (-1) -- I'd actually be happy if this jumped ahead of Charlie and Imagine Dragons. But that probably won't happen.

8- "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" - Shawn Mendes (-1) -- Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars BOTH left the top 10 this week. That makes me happy. Now can this song be next?

9- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (+20) -- Well here's a pleasant surprise. I knew this song was jumping up because of the VMA's, but I didn't expect a top 10 entry. I couldn't be happier, though. As I say each week with this song, say want you want about the musicality of the song, the purpose here was to get people to call the suicide hotline and it's worked. That's worthy of praise.

10- "Strip that Down" - Liam Payne featuring Quavo (+1) -- I mean, I'm glad Ed and Bruno are gone. But did we have to replace it with this? Liam is very much the lesser of the former 1Ders. Why does he have to be the one gaining traction on the charts?

Rising on the Hot 100:

14- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (+5) -- This gets a welcome boost due to Kendrick destroying it at the VMA's, which is the big story line this week. The VMA's.

16- "XO TOUR Llif3" - Lil Uzi Vert (+9) -- This isn't VMA's. This is because Lil Uzi Vert's new album impacted the charts this week. 10 new Uzi songs to cover. Yay...

20- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+3) -- I'm so happy to see this break top 20! I really love this song and I'm glad a good song is finding mainstream success.

28- "What About Us" - P!nk  (+7) -- It would've been nice if this jumped into the top 10 as well. Word is P!nk gave one of the night's best performances at The VMA's. But hey, I'll take this rising in some form. Let's just get it going a bit faster please?

32- "Young Dumb & Broke" - Khalid (+9) -- Khalid won best new artist. I suppose I can get behind that. But he didn't perform this song, so this is just rising naturally.

45- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+14) -- Can we please reject this before it gets too high? It's making me nervous that this won't go away. Imagine Dragons need to learn to write good music like they used to. Not this boring, bland new stuff.

55- "Transportin'" - Kodak Black (+27) -- Why?

83- "Havana" - Camila Cabello (+11) -- I suppose I'm not upset at this. No. 83 is not very high, anyways. I'm curious to see if Camilla can actually conjure up a genuine solo hit.

New Arrivals:

31- "Jocelyn Flores" - XXXTENTACION -- We've got seven songs from XXXTENTACION and 10 songs from Lil Uzi Vert this week. And I despise both of these rappers. So let's get these over with. If you're curious, there's three "real" songs hidden at No. 73, No. 76 and No. 97 if you're curious to check out those. We begin with XXXTENTACION, a thug from prison who has done nothing but cause controversy and misery since being released. Why are we making him a thing? And who is Jocelyn Flores? A girl that... oh. Committed suicide. Suddenly I have to change my mindset and be sensitive about this instead of hateful. XXX is rapping about a girl he knew who committed suicide and how much misery he's been in ever since. That's real and that I appreciate. There's actual emotion in this song. I was rather shocked. It's a short anthem from XXX, under two minutes, where XXX has one quick verse where he flies through his emotions and it's surround by a slow chorus about how much pain he's in. Now if only XXX would put this type of emotion into all his songs...

39- "The Way Life Goes" - Lil Uzi Vert -- My order with this list is that I listened to all of XXX's songs and then all of Lil Uzi's. You'll notice that XXX's album is more of a depressing suicide note disguised as an album. And all the songs are really short. Thus I switch to Lil Uzi and was impressed that he wrote a full-length song that was nearly four minutes long. But then I got bored because I was used to only having to spend two minutes with each song. We start our 10-song Uzi marathon with a boring song essentially about Uzi sleeping with a girl, being upset that she left with him, but then deciding that the new girl he's now going to sleep with is better, while still being bitter about the old girl leaving him. But the new girl is going to appreciate his fame and riches more. Yawn. Give me something worth something that hasn't been done a thousand times before.

41- "F--- Love" - XXXTENTACION featuring Trippie Redd -- Can XXX impress me again after surprising me with "Jocelyn Flores"? Well, no. But this song isn't awful. It's just a really slow rap song that's barely rap. It's barely over two minutes and most of it is Trippie Redd begging the girl to switch sides. In the middle of that begging, XXX throws in a quick verse about how he's feeling nauseous and awful without her. That's all. Simple, short kinda rap song with not much to it. So let's go onto the next one.

49- "Sauce it Up" - Lil Uzi Vert -- No, we're not going to get anything better from Lil Uzi, are we? Instead we are just going to "sauce it up." And yes, it means exactly what you think it means. 20 seconds in, Lil Uzi says that "I'm one of the greatest to ever do it." What a horrible, cocky punk. I hate attitudes like that. So I quit the song. And read the rest of the lyrics. It wasn't getting any better. How can anyone like this type of snobbish, awful rap music. I don't understand.

54- "Everybody Dies in Their Nightmares" - XXXTENTACION -- Another song from XXX that's super short? This one barely cracks 90 seconds. How long is this album? *goes and looks* 11 songs. 21 minutes. Wow. Did XXX write this whole album in one day? I mean, I often joke around about rappers not putting much time into an album. But this time I actually think it might be true. Oh well. Makes my life easy. XXX here spends 95 seconds repeating over and over how he wants to die in his dreams because he can't handle the pain. He does get a lot of words out in those 95 seconds, but most of it is the same three lines repeated over and over. Maybe it's just me, but I prefer actual songs and not small snippets of someone venting. But apparently my definition of music and the rest of America's is different because this is what charted this week.

60- "444+222" - Lil Uzi Vert -- This Lil Uzi song just had me confused. What does 444+222 mean? I listened to the song, read the lyrics, read the potential meanings and I still don't know. That total equals 666, the sign of the beast. He also references JAY Z in the song right after repeating eight straight 4's. JAY Z's album was "4:44." What's going on there? I don't know. I don't care. And the lyrics make no sense. Although there's a decent flow in some of the verses. That's the best I can say about this one. He doesn't even say the number two at all, despite it being in his title. Whatever, Uzi.

73- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA -- There was a time in life where I actually enjoyed Maroon 5. But that time seems so long ago. And I don't actively hate the band, if you can even call them a band at this point, but I just get so bored with their music. Adam Levine just seems so desperate to get hits that he'll follow whatever the current trend is while being so lazy and shallow with his lyrics. I think he even knows that his songs will all be long forgotten in 10 years from now. People will still remember songs like "She Will Be Loved" or "Harder to Breathe," but none of this current garbage. Now in fairness, "What Lovers Do" actually has a decently catchy groove to it and I actually have a chance of remembering it tomorrow, something I literally couldn't do with "Cold." Like, no joke or exaggeration. I couldn't remember it the next day. I kept singing Bieber's "Cold Water" instead. The problem with "What Lovers Do" is the same problem with most of his recent music. It's empty. Meaningless. Practically lifeless. He just asks a girl if she loves him and he's willing to do what lovers do... whatever that is. Because he doesn't explain.

76- "Light it Up" - Luke Bryan -- Not to be confused with Major Lazer's "Light it Up" featuring Nyla. A really fun song, mind you. Go listen to it. I had to give it another listen before Luke Bryan brought his song with the same title to the charts. A song that's not really worth listening. Luke Bryan doesn't light this song up. He's just complaining about his girl problems. Granted, he actually tells us a story about his girl problems, unlike Adam Levine in our previous song, who just says random words strung together in a slightly catchy beat. Granted, Luke's story isn't that interesting of story. But at least there's something. They had a fight. She left him. Now he is drowning in his misery, wishing she could love him again. Typical country stuff. Not awful. I've definitely heard worse. But it's nothing I'm going to purposely listen to again.

77- "Revenge" - XXXTENTACION -- Continuing our short XXX saga here, the guy is now telling us he wants revenge. I think. This is the sequel to Jocelyn Flores where I think he's mad at her for committing suicide. And he keeps telling us that he's now dug two graves, one for her I'm guessing and the other for him. So he's going to get revenge on her by committing suicide himself? That's not good. Maybe XXX should go call Logic's suicide hotline number. That's what I get from this. I felt emotion on "Jocelyn Flores." But I'm not so sure I like the direction this emotion has taken us.

79- "Neon Guts" - Lil Uzi Vert featuring Pharrell Williams -- This was one of the two songs from Uzi's album that I thought may have potential. Uzi himself I have zero faith in. But maybe Pharrell could add some life onto an album that is completely dead and boring? But nope. I think the most disappointing things is that this isn't Pharrell being Pharrell. Had he simply did what he usually did, I think this could've been a fun song. But instead Pharrell is trying to be Migos. No annoying sound effects, but the flow of this song is very Migos-like with all the short phrases that don't do a very good job of connecting together. It just seems like a bunch of random short phrases. I don't even know what it means to have neon guts. And I don't really care. Shame on you Pharrell.

80- "Two" - Lil Uzi Vert -- The first song on Uzi's album. If you care. And it's Uzi trying to tell the world he's got the money and the power. Good way to start off an album. By reminding the world how awesome, rich and cocky you are. Yes, I'm being sarcastic there. Uzi is a punk and I hate his music. The end.

81- "X" - Lil Uzi Vert -- I was going through this song and there was a line I just got stuck on. Uzi says that this girl has a butt like a zebra at the zoo. What in the living heck? I just... can't even. More stuff about riches, fame, stealing girls. All that garbage. But really?!?! Comparing a girl to a zebra? I...

82- "For Real" - Lil Uzi Vert -- Just a song about Uzi making love with all of these girls. Because he's so cool and famous. And he rhymes "For Real" with "Pharrell." Because that's even cooler. Yet, Pharrell's not even on this song. Fail.

84- "UnFazed" - Lil Uzi Vert featuring The Weeknd -- Why in the fetch does he capitalize the "f" in unfazed? Because he's Uzi. That's why. I almost skipped this song just in spite of that. But I listened to it anyways because it has The Weeknd on it and that gave me hope that it could be tolerable. But again, no. I should've skipped it. We start the song with The Weeknd saying the phrase "I'm unfazed" for 40 seconds. Then he gives a phoned in, lazy verse, which is followed by 40 more seconds of saying "I'm unfazed." Then we get a verse of Uzi trying to be Migos and singing more boring stuff. Then we end with 40 more seconds of "I'm unfazed." And this is music?

90- "No Sleep Leak" - Lil Uzi Vert -- What does "No Sleep Leak" even mean? Never mind. I don't want to know. And this is Uzi being full out Migos. It's awful. Get it away from me.

91- "Depression & Obsession" - XXXTENTACION -- At 2:24, I think this song might be XXX's longest song on the album. But it also might have the least amount of lyrics. Most of this is just slow guitar. This comes after XXX's song about how Jocelyn Flores committed suicide. And now he gives a statement that depression and obsession don't mix well. But is he talking about Jocelyn? Well, I certainly hope not. Because he says that he's poisoned and that he ate this girl. That's an awkward thing to come right after singing about a girl who killed herself. But I actually think this is talking about a different girl. He has depression, but yet he became obsessed with this girl after making out with her and that doesn't mix well. But pick a different metaphor, XXX, and put it somewhere else on the album. Because now I am envisioning you having eaten a girl who just committed suicide and that's a rather disgusting thought.

92- "Dark Queen" - Lil Uzi Vert -- Nope. I don't want to do it. Get this away from me. It's Migos again, but stretched out, boring Migos that is wrong in every way. I initially typed a lot of angry words after finally being done with all of Uzi's songs, but then I deleted them. Needless to say, this man's rap is the epitome of everything wrong with rap culture today and I hate it. His music is absolute dog crap and I'm ashamed for this country that we let 10 of his songs enter the charts when actual good, talented artists are being held off.

94- "Save Me" - XXXTENTACION -- OK, I lied. This song is longer than "Depression & Obsession." At 2:43, this is about the length of a normal song. Surprise! But most of this is a super depressing instrumental where he's crying for someone to save him. And he states that over and over. Because XXX doesn't write lyrics, really. But again, I feel like XXX is telling us he wants to commit suicide and he's begging for someone to save him. Call the number, brother. Call the number.

95- "Carry On" - XXXTENTACION -- One of the final songs on the 11 track, 21 minute long album that XXX released, this song mostly bored me. Same subject matter. Life sucks for him. He wants to kill himself. Me thinking he should call the suicide hotline. Let's hope he carries on and does something positive with his life. While he tries to carry on, I will carry on and move on from this XXX music that I hope doesn't show up again.

97- "Tell Me You Love Me" - Demi Lovato -- I saw this title and I immediately started singing "Lovefool" by The Cardigans. "Love me, love me. Say that you love me! Fool me, fool me. Go on and fool me!" Yeah, fun time jamming out to a classic 90's song. With that out of the way, Demi actually gives us something to cheer for this week. Funny that our three new real releases this week, outside all our Lil Uzi and XXX stuff, are all about an individual begging or asking a significant other to love them. Adam Levine just gives empty words. Luke Bryan tells a boring, cliche story. Demi might not bring anything new the table lyrically, but this is a song where she harnesses that vocal talent that I love from her. Sometimes she hides that voice of hers and I get frustrated when that happens, but this time she lets it out and brings some serious emotion to what otherwise would be cliche lyrics. And hey, what do you know. Adding some strong vocals with some real emotion actually makes me care about this heartbroken love story that she's telling us. Adam and Luke should take notes.