Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (=) -- Eight weeks at No. 1 for our Latino duo feeding off Bieber to actually be popular on the charts. Now we have two DJ Khaled songs on their tails, one of them also including Bieber, which means Khaled and Bieber both have two songs in the top three. I think that's some sort of weird, random phenomenon that doesn't happen too often. And only six more weeks until "Despacito" matches "Macarena." Can Khaled stop them in time before that milestone is crossed? And is that a good thing at all?
2- "I'm the One" - DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne (=) -- If DJ Khaled wanted this specific songs to hit No. 1, he probably shouldn't have released his Rihanna single so soon afterwards his Bieber single. And am I the only one that thinks Khaled seems like a leech with his two biggest singles from his album are featuring the world's biggest pop stars who are both guaranteed a huge hit any time they have their name on a song? It doesn't seem like Khaled cares about quality or music, but only cares about money and popularity.
3- "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna & Bryson Tiller (+1) -- Rihanna debuted at No. 4 last week and rose a spot in her second week where most big debuts take a second week hit? Oh dear. That's not a good sign. We're in for a 20-25 week stay in the top 10 for this song, aren't we? And it's probably the next No. 1, isn't it? At least I can see why this is seen as catchy and fun to some due to the borrowed Santana guitar riff thing and the fact that Rihanna is actually coherent in the song. But do we really not care about lyrical content at all in this country?
4- "That's What I Like" - Bruno Mars (-1) -- Slowly falling. But it needs to fall faster. Something needs to rise up and knock Bruno out of the top 5. It's been way too long.
5- "Shape of You" - Ed Sheeran (=) -- And why in the heck is this still motionless?
6- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (+5) -- Whoa! I did not see this one coming at all. I kinda expected this to jump up to No. 10 or No. 9 this week after slowly climbing to No. 11 over the course of the last many weeks. Great timing from Imagine Dragons' album release, which is why the extra boost this week. And do you know what? After weeks and weeks of boring nonsense that won't move, I'll take a sub-par Imagine Dragons song in the top 10. And if this song can help kick out Bruno and Ed from the top five, that's a win. But if this falls back down next week after the album boost this week, I also won't be broken-hearted. We shouldn't encourage Dan Reynolds and company to continue making average music when they are capable of so much more.
7- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (-1) -- Sadly Kendrick is slowly sliding down the charts. Wouldn't it have been great if this had hit No. 1 and stayed there for more than just a week?
8- "Congratulations" - Post Malone featuring Quavo (=) -- At least this didn't go up any spots this week. But I quickly need to find some wood to knock on before I curse it and force it higher.
9- "Mask Off" - Future (-2) -- Oh, hey! Something good happened this week. "Mask Off" fell two spots! Hopefully the next step is out of the top 10 soon! Is next week asking too much?
10- "Something Just Like This" - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay (-1) -- It's now been 61 weeks for The Chainsmokers in the top 10. And something tells me that is coming to an end in a week or two. It's strange that they released a full album, but haven't even pushed another single on the charts since that release. With the success of this song winding down, you would think they'd get on that.
Rising on the Hot 100:
13- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (+3) -- If this is the song that replaces "Mask Off" or "Congratulations," I'd certainly be a happy camper. I'm not madly in love with this, but at least it's far better than those two.
19- "Now or Never" - Halsey (+2) -- There's a few songs that have been hanging out between 20 and 40 that I'm wondering what they're going to end up doing and most of them have managed to stay stuck in that range, which is mildly frustrating because I want new blood in our top 10 and it doesn't help things when our second level of songs won't budge. But this week Halsey is the one that sneaks into the top 20 out of the bunch of them. And for the sake of something new, I would welcome this.
44- "Craving You" - Thomas Rhett featuring Maren Morris (+9) -- Now for a few country risers and the middle section of the charts and this one I'm not happy about. Although I'm not surprised either because mainstream country has been in love with Thomas Rhett for a long time and even though the Maren Morris feature is an afterthought, her name alone also helps this.
45- "My Girl" - Dylan Scott (+11) -- On the other hand, I am super happy that Dylan Scott's song has broke the top 50. Let's send this one to the top of the country charts, please?
46- "The Cure" - Lady Gaga (+11) -- This Gaga song has had a surprising amount of resilience for a below-average Gaga song that I thought was going to officially die some time ago. But it's managed to hang around on the middle of the charts and now gets another boost into the top 50? Interesting.
54- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+31) -- Just like "Believer" got a boost from Imagine Dragons' album release, "Thunder" also gets a huge boost and almost makes an appearance in the top 50. I don't expect this to last, though, and quite frankly it'll be therapeutic seeing it fall next week. No new debuts from them, though, which is mostly a good thing.
65- "Small Town Boy" - Dustin Lynch (+10) -- Two more country songs rising on the bottom half of the charts. "Small Town Boy" getting a rise is not a good thing. But it's not quite time to complain.
72- "Do I Make You Wanna" - Billy Currington (+21) -- Billy Currington's open-ended song I am fine with. I won't be offended if it does well, but I also don't think I will shed any tears if it sinks.
36- "Signs" - Drake -- Does the world need more Drake this soon? I mean, the guy just released a rather large and awful album earlier this year. Can't that hold us over until at least next year? Apparently not. Although the story here is that this song was written for a Louis Vuitton fashion show. The company sent Drake some pictures of the show and he wrote a song that premiered at the fashion show. And, well, this might surprise you, but it's not that bad. A song that's good enough to be played in the background of a fashion show where no one is listening to the lyrics, but are rather grooving to the smooth beat and Drake's mellow voice while enjoying the models on the runway. That's the type of song this is. I think Drake just threw together some quick, random lyrics that don't make a whole lot of sense, but for drake standards this is fine. For me personally it's on the level of "One Dance" or "Passionfruit." I'm not going to ever voluntarily play this song again, but I won't care if someone else does.
68- "Don't Quit" - DJ Khaled & Calvin Harris featuring Travis Scott & Jeremih -- Did I ever tell you I'm tired of listening to DJ Khaled yell the phrases "We the best music!" and "Another one!" at the beginning of every song. Oh, but he switched it up this time. Instead of starting out by saying those two lines, he first starts by yelling to Calvin Harris that "they ain't see this one comin'!" Well, Mr. Khaled, those people who recently listened to Calvin Harris' new pile of trash that he calls an album probably saw this one coming because he collaborated with all sorts of untalented rappers on that album that add nothing to his lazy beats that he throws under their hollow and perverted lyrics. Because Calvin Harris is trying to be hip and cool. Well screw you Calvin Harris and screw you DJ Khaled. But with this collaboration, I'm willing to bet I know how this conversation went. Khaled calls up Harris asking for a quick beat. Harris jumps on his computer and throws together a lazy loop that took him 30 seconds to create and sent it on over to Mr. Khaled. Then Khaled calls his friends Travis Scott and Jeremih and they spend an hour or two recording some bland, dumb lyrics. Khaled puts this together, records himself yelling a few random phrases and boom we have a song! Or rather what some tone deaf Americans call a song because this is straight up trash. I'm glad only a couple of songs from Khaled's album showed up this week.
71- "No Complaints" - Metro Boomin featuring Offset & Drake -- Raise your hand if you were dying to hear the next song from Metro Boomin! Now put them down, liar. No one cares. Especially since this is Offset and Drake jumping on board. And if this collaboration legitimately has you excited, then take that hand of yours that I just made you put down and use it to slap yourself in the face. Because making songs like this popular is what's wrong with music these days. This is pure and utter crap. It's Offset being Offset and you should know by now that I hate everything Migos related because I literally can't tolerate the sound of their rap. And I'm angry at the entire rap community for all the Migos copycats, which includes Drake when he comes in. What, did you actually think I could praise Drake twice in one day? Not happening. Now Metro Boomin is like DJ Khaled. He doesn't participate in the singing. But at least he has the decency to not yell random nonsense scattered throughout that makes me want to punch him in the face. So there's some kudos. But if this is his song that he produced, wrote or otherwise put together, he gets no credit from me.
88- "On Everything" - DJ Khaled featuring Travis Scott, Rick Ross & Big Sean -- Did I mention that I'm glad I only have to cover two DJ Khaled songs this week? Because there's 23 most likely pieces of trash disguised as songs on that thing of his he calls an album. I just hope more don't sneak into next week because I'm really done with this man and his music. All you have to do is look at this song's title and collaborators and you know exactly what it is. All the lyrics by all three of these punks are garbage. But at least Rick ross and Big Sean seemed to try to make it work. Rick Ross actually sounds like he's trying to rap and Big Sean doesn't make me want to punch him when he comes on. I can't say the same for Travis Scott, who is mumbling the heck out of his choruses, certain parts of which sounding like they got stuck in a blender while recording. We also have a decent enough beat surrounding everything, so I don't completely hate this one. Although it would be nice if it just dropped off the charts next week.
94- "Crew" - GoldLink featuring Brent Faiyaz & Shy Glizzy -- GoldLink, Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy? GoldLink, who is a rapper that I've never heard of until now, apparently released his debut album at the end of last year and this was his lead-off single. I don't know how many people on earth listened to that album, but apparently Gucci Mane was one of them and recently released a remix of the song with him on it. But Billboard claims that it's the original that's charting and not the remix, so I'm talking about the original here, which is nothing special. But giving credit where credit is do, Brent Faiyaz has a good voice and GoldLink has good flow. I like how the song is arranged. Faiyaz starts and ends the song with a decent chorus while GoldLink and Shy Glizzy each get a quick verse. The song is short and to the point as it clocks in at just under three minutes. The big problem here is that I don't think this song is that memorable and Shy Glizzy's verse is pretty off-putting both musically and lyrically whereas GoldLink's verse is only off-putting lyrically as his actual rap skills are pretty good. And also in fairness, the first half of his verse is fine, but then it's the second half that crashes into a wall. Overall not awful. But not that great, either.