Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Look What You Made Me Do" - Taylor Swift (+76) -- Taylor fails to debut at No. 1 because three days of radio play alone got the song to debut at No. 77 last week, but I'm sure she won't lose too much sleep over that. After its first full week, Taylor got 350,000 sales, 80 million streams and 64 million in radio audience. That sales mark is the highest this year. The streaming is the most ever for a female artist. And that much radio in one week is pretty great, although I don't think that sets any records. If you were hoping this song was going to go away because you're one who hates, your remaining 2017 is gonna be miserable because this isn't going anywhere. Taylor also becomes the first female to hit No. 1 without a male since Adele's "Hello." The only other female to be No. 1 in any capacity this year is Halsey as featured on The Chainsmokers' "Closer." Personally I'm glad to get some more female representation.
2- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (-1) -- After 16 weeks at No. 1, "Despacito" falls to No. 2, thus failing to break the record. And it's confirmed. Had Taylor not swung in, "Despacito" would be king. Not that that means anything. Now the question is how long can this song stay in the top 10? Radio and sales are slipping, but streaming is still really good, so I imagine this will hang around.
3- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B (=) -- Our Nicki Minaj wannabe passes Rihanna, but gets passed by Taylor, so she stays at No. 3. I'm not complaining. But hey, three females in the top five. That's a good thing.
4- "Wild Thoughts" - DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna & Bryson Tiller (-2) -- Let the fall begin! I'm so glad Rihanna failed to get another No. 1. She didn't deserve it. Now lets hope this song tumbles and dies. But sadly that radio will probably keep it around.
5- "Attention" - Charlie Puth (=) -- Charlie flips with Imagine Dragons to stay put in the top five. Not sure how I feel about that. I don't want either song in the top five, so I suppose I'm happy one of them is gone.
6- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (-2) -- Imagine Dragons tumbled two spots this week. That's good! Now let's get this out!
7- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (-1) -- I'd actually be happy if this jumped ahead of Charlie and Imagine Dragons. But that probably won't happen.
8- "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" - Shawn Mendes (-1) -- Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars BOTH left the top 10 this week. That makes me happy. Now can this song be next?
9- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid (+20) -- Well here's a pleasant surprise. I knew this song was jumping up because of the VMA's, but I didn't expect a top 10 entry. I couldn't be happier, though. As I say each week with this song, say want you want about the musicality of the song, the purpose here was to get people to call the suicide hotline and it's worked. That's worthy of praise.
10- "Strip that Down" - Liam Payne featuring Quavo (+1) -- I mean, I'm glad Ed and Bruno are gone. But did we have to replace it with this? Liam is very much the lesser of the former 1Ders. Why does he have to be the one gaining traction on the charts?
Rising on the Hot 100:
14- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (+5) -- This gets a welcome boost due to Kendrick destroying it at the VMA's, which is the big story line this week. The VMA's.
16- "XO TOUR Llif3" - Lil Uzi Vert (+9) -- This isn't VMA's. This is because Lil Uzi Vert's new album impacted the charts this week. 10 new Uzi songs to cover. Yay...
20- "Feel it Still" - Portugal. The Man (+3) -- I'm so happy to see this break top 20! I really love this song and I'm glad a good song is finding mainstream success.
28- "What About Us" - P!nk (+7) -- It would've been nice if this jumped into the top 10 as well. Word is P!nk gave one of the night's best performances at The VMA's. But hey, I'll take this rising in some form. Let's just get it going a bit faster please?
32- "Young Dumb & Broke" - Khalid (+9) -- Khalid won best new artist. I suppose I can get behind that. But he didn't perform this song, so this is just rising naturally.
45- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (+14) -- Can we please reject this before it gets too high? It's making me nervous that this won't go away. Imagine Dragons need to learn to write good music like they used to. Not this boring, bland new stuff.
55- "Transportin'" - Kodak Black (+27) -- Why?
83- "Havana" - Camila Cabello (+11) -- I suppose I'm not upset at this. No. 83 is not very high, anyways. I'm curious to see if Camilla can actually conjure up a genuine solo hit.
New Arrivals:
31- "Jocelyn Flores" - XXXTENTACION -- We've got seven songs from XXXTENTACION and 10 songs from Lil Uzi Vert this week. And I despise both of these rappers. So let's get these over with. If you're curious, there's three "real" songs hidden at No. 73, No. 76 and No. 97 if you're curious to check out those. We begin with XXXTENTACION, a thug from prison who has done nothing but cause controversy and misery since being released. Why are we making him a thing? And who is Jocelyn Flores? A girl that... oh. Committed suicide. Suddenly I have to change my mindset and be sensitive about this instead of hateful. XXX is rapping about a girl he knew who committed suicide and how much misery he's been in ever since. That's real and that I appreciate. There's actual emotion in this song. I was rather shocked. It's a short anthem from XXX, under two minutes, where XXX has one quick verse where he flies through his emotions and it's surround by a slow chorus about how much pain he's in. Now if only XXX would put this type of emotion into all his songs...
39- "The Way Life Goes" - Lil Uzi Vert -- My order with this list is that I listened to all of XXX's songs and then all of Lil Uzi's. You'll notice that XXX's album is more of a depressing suicide note disguised as an album. And all the songs are really short. Thus I switch to Lil Uzi and was impressed that he wrote a full-length song that was nearly four minutes long. But then I got bored because I was used to only having to spend two minutes with each song. We start our 10-song Uzi marathon with a boring song essentially about Uzi sleeping with a girl, being upset that she left with him, but then deciding that the new girl he's now going to sleep with is better, while still being bitter about the old girl leaving him. But the new girl is going to appreciate his fame and riches more. Yawn. Give me something worth something that hasn't been done a thousand times before.
41- "F--- Love" - XXXTENTACION featuring Trippie Redd -- Can XXX impress me again after surprising me with "Jocelyn Flores"? Well, no. But this song isn't awful. It's just a really slow rap song that's barely rap. It's barely over two minutes and most of it is Trippie Redd begging the girl to switch sides. In the middle of that begging, XXX throws in a quick verse about how he's feeling nauseous and awful without her. That's all. Simple, short kinda rap song with not much to it. So let's go onto the next one.
49- "Sauce it Up" - Lil Uzi Vert -- No, we're not going to get anything better from Lil Uzi, are we? Instead we are just going to "sauce it up." And yes, it means exactly what you think it means. 20 seconds in, Lil Uzi says that "I'm one of the greatest to ever do it." What a horrible, cocky punk. I hate attitudes like that. So I quit the song. And read the rest of the lyrics. It wasn't getting any better. How can anyone like this type of snobbish, awful rap music. I don't understand.
54- "Everybody Dies in Their Nightmares" - XXXTENTACION -- Another song from XXX that's super short? This one barely cracks 90 seconds. How long is this album? *goes and looks* 11 songs. 21 minutes. Wow. Did XXX write this whole album in one day? I mean, I often joke around about rappers not putting much time into an album. But this time I actually think it might be true. Oh well. Makes my life easy. XXX here spends 95 seconds repeating over and over how he wants to die in his dreams because he can't handle the pain. He does get a lot of words out in those 95 seconds, but most of it is the same three lines repeated over and over. Maybe it's just me, but I prefer actual songs and not small snippets of someone venting. But apparently my definition of music and the rest of America's is different because this is what charted this week.
60- "444+222" - Lil Uzi Vert -- This Lil Uzi song just had me confused. What does 444+222 mean? I listened to the song, read the lyrics, read the potential meanings and I still don't know. That total equals 666, the sign of the beast. He also references JAY Z in the song right after repeating eight straight 4's. JAY Z's album was "4:44." What's going on there? I don't know. I don't care. And the lyrics make no sense. Although there's a decent flow in some of the verses. That's the best I can say about this one. He doesn't even say the number two at all, despite it being in his title. Whatever, Uzi.
73- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA -- There was a time in life where I actually enjoyed Maroon 5. But that time seems so long ago. And I don't actively hate the band, if you can even call them a band at this point, but I just get so bored with their music. Adam Levine just seems so desperate to get hits that he'll follow whatever the current trend is while being so lazy and shallow with his lyrics. I think he even knows that his songs will all be long forgotten in 10 years from now. People will still remember songs like "She Will Be Loved" or "Harder to Breathe," but none of this current garbage. Now in fairness, "What Lovers Do" actually has a decently catchy groove to it and I actually have a chance of remembering it tomorrow, something I literally couldn't do with "Cold." Like, no joke or exaggeration. I couldn't remember it the next day. I kept singing Bieber's "Cold Water" instead. The problem with "What Lovers Do" is the same problem with most of his recent music. It's empty. Meaningless. Practically lifeless. He just asks a girl if she loves him and he's willing to do what lovers do... whatever that is. Because he doesn't explain.
76- "Light it Up" - Luke Bryan -- Not to be confused with Major Lazer's "Light it Up" featuring Nyla. A really fun song, mind you. Go listen to it. I had to give it another listen before Luke Bryan brought his song with the same title to the charts. A song that's not really worth listening. Luke Bryan doesn't light this song up. He's just complaining about his girl problems. Granted, he actually tells us a story about his girl problems, unlike Adam Levine in our previous song, who just says random words strung together in a slightly catchy beat. Granted, Luke's story isn't that interesting of story. But at least there's something. They had a fight. She left him. Now he is drowning in his misery, wishing she could love him again. Typical country stuff. Not awful. I've definitely heard worse. But it's nothing I'm going to purposely listen to again.
77- "Revenge" - XXXTENTACION -- Continuing our short XXX saga here, the guy is now telling us he wants revenge. I think. This is the sequel to Jocelyn Flores where I think he's mad at her for committing suicide. And he keeps telling us that he's now dug two graves, one for her I'm guessing and the other for him. So he's going to get revenge on her by committing suicide himself? That's not good. Maybe XXX should go call Logic's suicide hotline number. That's what I get from this. I felt emotion on "Jocelyn Flores." But I'm not so sure I like the direction this emotion has taken us.
79- "Neon Guts" - Lil Uzi Vert featuring Pharrell Williams -- This was one of the two songs from Uzi's album that I thought may have potential. Uzi himself I have zero faith in. But maybe Pharrell could add some life onto an album that is completely dead and boring? But nope. I think the most disappointing things is that this isn't Pharrell being Pharrell. Had he simply did what he usually did, I think this could've been a fun song. But instead Pharrell is trying to be Migos. No annoying sound effects, but the flow of this song is very Migos-like with all the short phrases that don't do a very good job of connecting together. It just seems like a bunch of random short phrases. I don't even know what it means to have neon guts. And I don't really care. Shame on you Pharrell.
80- "Two" - Lil Uzi Vert -- The first song on Uzi's album. If you care. And it's Uzi trying to tell the world he's got the money and the power. Good way to start off an album. By reminding the world how awesome, rich and cocky you are. Yes, I'm being sarcastic there. Uzi is a punk and I hate his music. The end.
81- "X" - Lil Uzi Vert -- I was going through this song and there was a line I just got stuck on. Uzi says that this girl has a butt like a zebra at the zoo. What in the living heck? I just... can't even. More stuff about riches, fame, stealing girls. All that garbage. But really?!?! Comparing a girl to a zebra? I...
82- "For Real" - Lil Uzi Vert -- Just a song about Uzi making love with all of these girls. Because he's so cool and famous. And he rhymes "For Real" with "Pharrell." Because that's even cooler. Yet, Pharrell's not even on this song. Fail.
84- "UnFazed" - Lil Uzi Vert featuring The Weeknd -- Why in the fetch does he capitalize the "f" in unfazed? Because he's Uzi. That's why. I almost skipped this song just in spite of that. But I listened to it anyways because it has The Weeknd on it and that gave me hope that it could be tolerable. But again, no. I should've skipped it. We start the song with The Weeknd saying the phrase "I'm unfazed" for 40 seconds. Then he gives a phoned in, lazy verse, which is followed by 40 more seconds of saying "I'm unfazed." Then we get a verse of Uzi trying to be Migos and singing more boring stuff. Then we end with 40 more seconds of "I'm unfazed." And this is music?
90- "No Sleep Leak" - Lil Uzi Vert -- What does "No Sleep Leak" even mean? Never mind. I don't want to know. And this is Uzi being full out Migos. It's awful. Get it away from me.
91- "Depression & Obsession" - XXXTENTACION -- At 2:24, I think this song might be XXX's longest song on the album. But it also might have the least amount of lyrics. Most of this is just slow guitar. This comes after XXX's song about how Jocelyn Flores committed suicide. And now he gives a statement that depression and obsession don't mix well. But is he talking about Jocelyn? Well, I certainly hope not. Because he says that he's poisoned and that he ate this girl. That's an awkward thing to come right after singing about a girl who killed herself. But I actually think this is talking about a different girl. He has depression, but yet he became obsessed with this girl after making out with her and that doesn't mix well. But pick a different metaphor, XXX, and put it somewhere else on the album. Because now I am envisioning you having eaten a girl who just committed suicide and that's a rather disgusting thought.
92- "Dark Queen" - Lil Uzi Vert -- Nope. I don't want to do it. Get this away from me. It's Migos again, but stretched out, boring Migos that is wrong in every way. I initially typed a lot of angry words after finally being done with all of Uzi's songs, but then I deleted them. Needless to say, this man's rap is the epitome of everything wrong with rap culture today and I hate it. His music is absolute dog crap and I'm ashamed for this country that we let 10 of his songs enter the charts when actual good, talented artists are being held off.
94- "Save Me" - XXXTENTACION -- OK, I lied. This song is longer than "Depression & Obsession." At 2:43, this is about the length of a normal song. Surprise! But most of this is a super depressing instrumental where he's crying for someone to save him. And he states that over and over. Because XXX doesn't write lyrics, really. But again, I feel like XXX is telling us he wants to commit suicide and he's begging for someone to save him. Call the number, brother. Call the number.
95- "Carry On" - XXXTENTACION -- One of the final songs on the 11 track, 21 minute long album that XXX released, this song mostly bored me. Same subject matter. Life sucks for him. He wants to kill himself. Me thinking he should call the suicide hotline. Let's hope he carries on and does something positive with his life. While he tries to carry on, I will carry on and move on from this XXX music that I hope doesn't show up again.
97- "Tell Me You Love Me" - Demi Lovato -- I saw this title and I immediately started singing "Lovefool" by The Cardigans. "Love me, love me. Say that you love me! Fool me, fool me. Go on and fool me!" Yeah, fun time jamming out to a classic 90's song. With that out of the way, Demi actually gives us something to cheer for this week. Funny that our three new real releases this week, outside all our Lil Uzi and XXX stuff, are all about an individual begging or asking a significant other to love them. Adam Levine just gives empty words. Luke Bryan tells a boring, cliche story. Demi might not bring anything new the table lyrically, but this is a song where she harnesses that vocal talent that I love from her. Sometimes she hides that voice of hers and I get frustrated when that happens, but this time she lets it out and brings some serious emotion to what otherwise would be cliche lyrics. And hey, what do you know. Adding some strong vocals with some real emotion actually makes me care about this heartbroken love story that she's telling us. Adam and Luke should take notes.
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