Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Shape of You" - Ed Sheeran (=) -- Ed Sheeran now joins the exclusive 12 week club at the top of the charts, anchored yet again by continuing to rise on radio. It's only four weeks away from tying the record and quite honestly I'm joining the club that I think it's time for something else to be here. This is still a better song that many songs under it, but I'm looking at the list of songs that have gone 12 weeks at No. 1 and this song feels out of place in that list. But stopping it is going to be a chore with how monstrous that radio is. It's going 13 weeks next week and I'm fairly confident about 14 weeks. But I don't like it. It's time for a change.
2- "That's What I Like" - Bruno Mars (+1) -- The thing is, though, I don't like this song enough to feel good about cheering for it to replace Ed at the top. It's not a good song from Bruno and thus it's not deserving of having that "No. 1 hit" label next to it. So I don't know. I'm conflicted. I wish there was something better to take that top spot. I guess I'll take this for a few weeks if it can catch up on radio, which it's doing well at. But can it do well enough to take over?
3- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (-1) -- I guess I'm going to be cheering for Kendrick to stop Ed. Because if Bruno can't beat Ed before the 16 week mark, this is going to have to be the song to stop Ed. After debuting at No. 2 last week, I expected more of a fall in its second week, but it only tumbled one spot, which is a great sign going forward. It'll get a boost on next week's charts because of the album. Will it be enough to jump up to No. 1? Probably not. But I wouldn't be surprised if flip-flops with Bruno again next week. And hey, this would be a deserving No. 1 hit if it eventually gets there.
4- "Sign of the Times" - Harry Styles (new) -- Here's our monster debut for this week. Had this debuted at No. 1, I would've been totally fine with that. But alas 141,000 sales wasn't enough. Zayn celebrated a No. 1 debut last year, but he had 267,000 sales, almost twice that of Harry. Speaking of Zayn and Harry, with them both debuting songs in the top 10, One Direction now becomes the only group to have two of its members debut songs in the top 10 with their solo work. Because, you know, back in the 60's and 70's when bands like The Beatles existed, debuting songs in the top 10 didn't really happen, so take that stat with a grain of salt. Still kinda interesting, though.
5- "Something Just Like This" - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay (=) -- I'm a little surprised that this song wasn't a bit higher this week given the boost that the album should've given it. I suppose it did jump ahead of "iSpy," but wasn't strong enough to break into the top three, then got pushed back down to No. 5 after Harry's debut. Now I don't know if this has much of a shot to go No.1, but this would be the one song that I would hope would get there out of our current ten, as this is the best song here. But I have a feeling that the bottom half of the top five is where this is going to peak.
6- "iSpy" - KYLE featuring Lil Yachty (-2) -- I feel the two spot drop here might be temporary because this is still rising in all metrics despite being pushed back by Harry and the Chainsmokers. I'm expecting it to jump those two songs next week. Although there is the case of Future and Lil Uzi Vert breathing down its neck, so maybe this ends up staying put.
7- "Mask Off" - Future (+4) -- I'm angry that this song is here. Not only is Future an awful, boring, lazy rapper who isn't deserving of his first top 10 hit as a lead artist (he's been here once more before as a featured artist), and not only is this song pretty darn awful, but it's also here because of the "Mask Off Challenge." Is this how songs these days are going to artificially force themselves into the top 10? By doing dumb internet challenges with your song that so many Americans are so gullible to follow? Shame on Future and shame on anyone and everyone who has participated in the Mask Off Challenge.
8- "XO Tour Llif3" - Lil Uzi Vert (+8) -- Oh, but we're not done with challenges this week. We also have the "Lil Uzi Vert Challenge" which has rocketed this song into the top 10. So yeah, apparently we are going to artificially force dumb songs into the top 10 because of dumb internet challenges. I hate this trend. Also, on Billboard Countdown this week, the question was asked as to why Lil Uzi spelled "Life" with two l's and a 3 and the popular answer was... because it looks cool? No people, it doesn't. It looks really stupid. Like an immature, young teenager goofing off with his friends. That's still what I hate most about this song. Let's be adults and spell things right, please?
9- "Body Like a Back Road" - Sam Hunt (-3) -- I'm happy to see this drop three spots, but I'm angry that it's still here in the top 10. And I'm angrier upon seeing this is crossing over to pop radio? Like, why? Apparently Sam Hunt sang this to his fiance at the ACM Awards. Yuck. What an awful idea. Do him and his fiance even know the words that he's singing in this? That's not romantic. That's awful and disgusting. Please let's get rid of this song!
10- "Paris" - The Chainsmokers (-1) -- Another song from the Chainsmokers that I thought was going to rise this week. Although again, three songs soared ahead of it while two songs that were above it on the charts last week got pushed out instead of it, so that's a win. However, with songs No. 11 and No. 12 this week being good songs that deserve top 10, it's time for "Paris" to go. Not that I was a big fan of this in the first place, but I'll be angry if it sticks around any longer.
Rising on the Hot 100:
11- "It Ain't Me" - Kygo & Selena Gomez (+2) -- We have a lot of risers this week and it's a fairly mixed bag, but sitting here at No. 11 is one of the better songs on the charts at the moment. It's inching its way towards the top 10 ever so slowly. I'd be fine with anything from No. 6 to No. 10 being kicked out in its favor, but the most likely target is removing "Paris" from that top 10, which would make me happy. Let's get Kygo his first ever top 10! This man deserves to be a superstar as I've loved his music for quite some time now. Let's just hope it doesn't get to his head.
12- "Issues" - Julia Michaels (+10) -- A second song just below our top 10 that I would love to see in the top 10 next week. If we can kick out "Paris" and "Body Like a Back Road" next week by adding "It Ain't Me" and "Issues," it would mitigate the pain a bit of our atrocious top 10.
19- "Congratulations" - Post Malone featuring Quavo (+6) -- This on the other hand needs to stay away. I don't want Post Malone to be honored with a top 10 hit this year and I certainly want to keep Quavo and the rest of the Migos trio far away from the top 10.
20- "Location" - Khalid (+4) -- I don't know how much momentum this song actually has. It seems to be slowly climbing its way up the charts and I have a feeling it's about to get stuck. I'd be fine if I were wrong, though.
21- "Cold" - Maroon 5 featuring Future (+7) -- We already let one Future song into the top 10, let's keep the other one far away. And let's certainly not encourage Adam Levine to make more forgettable garbage by awarding him with another top 10 hit.
32- "Rolex" - Ayo & Teo (+7) -- This song has been a bit inconsistent the last several weeks and I was hoping it would stall out. I've had more dumb rap songs than I can currently take. Let's send this one away.
42- "Swalla" - Jason Derulo featuring Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (+10) -- Please can this stall out? It's continued momentum up the charts is scaring me.
49- "Redbone" - Childish Gambino (+7) -- And Donald Glover sneaks into the top 50. I don't know how much higher this is going to go, but I'd much rather prefer this than many of our other current hits.
57- "Castle on the Hill" - Ed Sheeran (+12) -- Let's all rejoice! "Castle on the Hill" has been officially selected as Ed Sheeran's second single from his album "divide" and I couldn't be happier. With "Shape of You" bound to start falling eventually, this song will now be promoted to pop radio and be given a strong push by Ed and his team. This is definitely the far superior song to "Shape of You" and is one of the best songs from the album. I would love it if this became another huge hit for Ed!
63- "Losin Control" - Russ (+16) -- It's funny, this song has a hard time sticking in my brain. I keep forgetting that I actually like the song. I have to re-listen to it each week to remind myself what it actually is and when I do, I keep remembering that I'm fine with it rising. Maybe one of these weeks it will actually stick in my head.
64- "The Weekend" - Brantley Gilbert (+16) -- Most of our songs took a hit on the charts after their boost last week from the ACM Awards. But not "The Weekend," which is a shame. This is not the country song I want gaining traction on the charts.
65- "Call on Me" - Starley (+17) -- I keep waiting for this song to break out and do something on the charts after staying steady on the bottom half of the charts. Maybe it's finally on its way up? I like the original and I like the remix even more, so I'd be happy if it did. In a week if a lot of awful crap plaguing the charts, this is a fun pop song that could use a bit more recognition.
75- "Drowning" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring Kodak Black (+19) -- I'm not surprised to see this jump up after its debut last week. But seriously? Why are we making A Boogie wit da Hoodie a thing? And why are we giving Kodak Black another hit? If this were to stall out before hitting the top 50, I would be excited, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going much higher.
76- "First Day Out" - Tee Grizzley (+12) -- Another debut from last week that I am annoyed that it jumped so high. This could've been an interesting song from a man just out of prison, but it's a bland, dumb rap song that I just want to go away.
78- "The One" - The Chainsmokers (+13) -- Surprisingly we didn't get any new debuts from The Chainsmokers' new album, which I'm fine with. There's nothing really worth anything there outside our current No. 5 hit with Coldplay. I'm certainly hoping this is not their next single following that. If it is, I hope this breaks their current streak of weeks in the top 10 by failing to make it because this song is pretty bad, even by recent lazy efforts from The Chainsmokers.
80- "Scared to Be Lonely" - Martin Garrix & Dua Lipa (+10) -- I was hoping this song would turn into a hit, but then it fizzled out. And now it's coming back. Perhaps it can actually gain traction now?
82- "Good Drank" - 2 Chainz, Gucci Mane & Quavo (+13) -- More Quavo rising and he's taking Gucci Mane and 2 Chainz up with him. This is not a good sign. And I still hate it when singers, country or rap, use drank in the wrong tense. It's not cool. It's dumb.
86- "How Not To" - Dan & Shay (+12) -- I mentioned last week that this is a country song that I'm not going to remember long after it falls off the charts. Well, it didn't fall of the charts, but I already forgot about it. Not a good sign. I wish it were "Tin Man" rising instead, but I'm not upset here.
New Arrivals:
4- "Sign of the Times" - Harry Styles -- It's been really interesting following the solo careers of the One Direction members. For the most part, I prefer them on their own, with the one exception being Zayn, who went from One Direction mediocrity to just plain awful. But I really liked Louis Tomlinson's EDM collaboration with Steve Aoki, "Just Hold On," and I didn't mind Niall Horan's "This Town," even though I found it a little too simple and empty. Now we're just waiting on Liam Payne to debut a song and we'll have all five One Direction members giving solo debuts on the charts. As far as this current song by Harry Styles, this is another song that surprised me. I don't like it quite as much as "Just Hold On," but we start out as a simple piano ballad from Harry, which is quite good, then when we hit the first chorus the song turns into a 70's rock song that has a strong David Bowie vibe to it? I didn't see that coming, but I really like it. The only complaint I have is that I don't feel a strong connection to the lyrics, but overall I'm totally on board with this and it has me intrigued by what Harry has up his sleeve with his debut album.
50- "Now or Never" - Halsey -- Before Halsey became a household name after being featured on The Chainsmokers' monster hit "Closer," I was kind of on board with her. I wasn't madly in love with "New Americana," but I didn't hate it as much as some and I thought "Badlands" was a decent album that showed potential. The big question for me is how is Halsey going to do post "Closer"? Did they turn her into a household name or is she going to whimper off into the background? Well, that's yet to be seen as we'll see how this song performs on the charts, but in terms of quality it's not the best story. Say what you want about "Closer," but Halsey vocals are pretty good on that. With this song, though, she sounds pretty lifeless and bored. This is slower, more R&B-inspired song, but it's one I got bored with partway through and it never picks up. Then we have some lazy, cliche lyrics that conflict with each other in terms of what's happening with this relationship. I'm not a fan.
74- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee -- This made me laugh when I looked at the title. A song by French Montana called "Unforgettable." It was probably going to be very forgettable and I imagined myself spending my time making awful puns about that title. Surprisingly, though, this isn't that bad. It's nothing memorable, but whoever this Swae Lee guy is (his only other chart appearance was on a random Wiz Khalifa song in 2015 that no one remembers called "Burn Slow"), he seems like a likable rapper that I can tolerate. It's only a sample size of one song and it's not even his song, but we spend more time with him than with French Montana. As expected, French Montana comes in and ruins everything, but when we're with Swae Lee, it's a decent song with a nice groove to it, so I'll give this a pass.
79- "Everyday We Lit" - YFN Lucci featuring PnB Rock -- On the flip side of things, here we have a rap song that is in fact as forgettable and awful as you would expect when you look at the title and read "Everyday We Lit." I couldn't even make it all the way through the song. It's just so dumb with no groove and your typical immature lyrics with them bragging about how rich and famous they are. Knowing my luck, though, this is another rap song that's going to catch on and become a hit. Because we love dumb rap songs that hurt our ears and make no sense. Just go take another look at our top 10 as proof of that.
89- "Cake" - Flo Rida & 99 Percent -- I have a love/hate relationship with Flo Rida. He actually does have a few songs like "I Cry" that I think are really good rap songs. Then he has a lot of dumb song that are super catchy like "My House" that I can kinda forgive him for because he knows how to make people dance. Too often, though, he puts out songs like this that are not good rap songs and are not even catchy. This song repeats the word cake over and over in a high-pitched chipmunk voice which is super annoying, then the rest of the song is him saying that he didn't come here for the party, he just came for the cake, which in this context is again turning cake into a sexual metaphor, much like DNCE's song "Cake by the Ocean" was metaphorically meaning "sex on the beach." I like eating cake. Speaking literally there. And I don't want to have this dumb sexual metaphor stuck in my head every time I'm eating cake. So STOP IT!!!!
92- "Bar at the End of the World" - Kenny Chesney -- If you looked at the title of this song and you thought it was going to be another dumb country song that makes no sense, you're right. Kenny Chesney is singing about sailing to a bar at the end of the world and I don't even know what he's getting at and I don't care to figure out. Sometimes I wonder where these country singers come up with these dumb lyrics that make no sense.
97- "Weak" - AJR -- If you don't know AJR, they are the ones that sung "I'm Ready" back in 2013, which I thought was pretty fun. They've done like nothing since, so I was curious when I saw them back on this week. I was hoping this would be as fun as "I'm Ready," but sadly it's not. This doesn't have much of a groove. You can't dance to it at all like you could with "I'm Ready." And the message of the song is conflicting. He starts by talking about a weakness that he has, most likely with a girl, that he should resist. He's trying to resist the temptation, but then he admits that he can't. Which is fine, I suppose. Until he then says that he finds nothing wrong with not being able to resist and he can't wait until the next time that he falls into this same temptation. Since he doesn't elaborate much, we have one of two situations. Either he thinks there's nothing wrong with being unable to break bad habits or the habit that he's singing about isn't that bad in the first place. Whichever way we take it, I think there are serious issues with what he's trying to get across.
99- "If I Told You" - Darius Rucker -- Much like Miranda Lambert's "Tin Man" from last week, here we have a country song that actually sounds like a country song and actually has a lot of emotion to it. Darius Rucker has a lot of charisma to him that makes him quite likable. In this song you can feel the pain that he's going through as he tells the story of him not having any self-confidence with all the bad mistakes he's made and all the flaws he has, but that he's doing his best anyways to see if this woman will still love him and help him out. I don't know if Darius is talking about himself specifically or is getting super personal with this song, but I can feel the honesty in the lyrics and the emotion behind them. And it's a sweet, simple song musically speaking as well. That probably means it's going to quickly disappear from the charts, though, because how dare we have a good country song that actually gains traction on the charts. Preposterous!
100- "Flatliner" - Cole Swindell -- Sneaking it at No. 100 this week is a song that I think the world would've been better off if it had barely missed the charts instead of barely sneaking on. This is Cole Swindell with a little bit of Dierks Bentley, despite the lack of official credit. The two of them are just gawking at how hot this girl is that they just saw on the dance floor and they're trying to figure out how to best approach. As I listen to this song, I envision it being a song that will catch on in the country world as it has a good groove to it that will probably suck people in, but I'm not going to be one of those people that gets sucked in. While it's more classy than "Body Like a Back Road" or Thomas Rhett's "Craving You," I still think there are much better ways to sing about a girl rather than acting like two 12-year-old boys who stumbled on some sort of glamour magazine with a lot of hot models in it. I just roll my eyes and hope we get something better in the future.
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