Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "I'm the One" - DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne (new) -- Three weeks. Three new No. 1's. Reminds me of... January of this year. Right before Ed Sheeran had his 12 week reign. This song I knew was going to debut high because it's sales were through the roof. I should've also seen the streaming coming because we have four rappers attached to this along with Justin Bieber. I just didn't think it was going to debut at the top, but in hindsight it's not too surprising. I just hope this pulls off a Justin Timberlake with "Can't Stop the Feeling!" and never returns to the top after its debut, because this song sucks bad. More on that below. But let's make one thing clear. This is at the top because of Justin Bieber. Not those other four.
2- "That's What I Like" - Bruno Mars (-1) -- Only one week at the top for Bruno. And while that fact doesn't upset me because I'm not a huge fan, I would've rather seen Bruno's song stay at top for another week rather than having DJ Khaled and friends up there for a week. But "I'm the One" is going to drop hard in sales next week, which may mean Bruno goes back to No. 1 next week. Unless of course Luis Fonsi has anything to say about that.
3- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (+1) -- Because, yes, "Despacito" continues to surge. I jumped ahead of "Shape of You" and "Humble." this week. And if it manages to jump ahead of Bruno next week, it could consequently jump into the No. 1 spot with the natural second week fall of "I'm the One." And again, I'm totally fine with this. "Despacito" is a super fun song and I'm glad a Latino song is getting the time in the spotlight, even if it's here because of the Justin Bieber remix as opposed to the superior original version with just Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee. Speaking of which, after Bieber's monster comeback recently, he suddenly has found himself with two more songs in the top three. That's rather impressive.
4- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (-1) -- I was really hoping for this song to reverse course and get more than just one week at No. 1. But now with "I'm the One" and "Despacito" dominating, it looks like that's not meant to be. Oh well. At least Kendrick was able to snag the top spot for a short amount of time and show that we as a country can embrace good rap music instead of all the nonsense that plagues the charts these days, like our current top song.
5- "Shape of You" - Ed Sheeran (-3) -- Whoa! Here's a surprising tumble. Not that I'm upset, though. It's time for this song to go. I was just wondering if this was going to play out like "Closer" by sticking around forever after hitting 12 weeks at No. 1, but it looks like it will be more like "See You Again" or "Blurred Lines," both of which tumbled pretty fast after getting 12 weeks at No. 1. Now can we please get "Castle on the Hill" up in this region? It got stuck this week down in the 40's, which is not good.
6- "Something Just Like This" - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay (=) -- The bottom half of our top 10 mostly got stuck as four of the five songs are the exact same. I'm curious as to what this song is going to do. I think it might be going back to the top five next week?
7- "Mask Off" - Future (-2) -- Hallelujah! Two weeks in the top five for this song is two weeks too long. Now let's get this out of the top 10 quickly!
8- "iSpy" - KYLE featuring Lil Yachty (=) -- This getting stuck at No. 8 worries me. It also needs to go.
9- "XO Tour Llif3" - Lil Uzi Vert (=) -- Do I sound like a broken record yet? Let's kick Lil Uzi out of the top 10 and never bring him back.
10- "It Ain't Me" - Kygo & Selena Gomez (=) -- On a reverse note, let's send this song higher. In fact, if it could jump ahead of "Mask Off," "iSpy" and XO Tour Llif3" next week, that would be amazing! There's a lot of decent songs that are hanging out below the top 10 waiting to get in. Let's kick those dumb rap songs out and bring in some good songs while letting Kygo and Selena go higher. If this song ends up peaking at No. 10, I'm going to be upset.
Rising on the Hot 100:
20- "Believer" - Imagine Dragons (+17) -- The songs in the teens are all stuck, so we jump straight to No. 20 with our rising songs list and it's Imagine Dragons that soared the highest this week. And you know what? That makes me happy. This is not a bad song. Just a disappointing one for Imagine Dragon standards, but Imagine Dragons gaining traction on the charts is good for their future after their second album flopped. More Imagine Dragons coming later in our new arrivals!
32- "Goosebumps" - Travis Scott (+10) -- What is this song doing rising on the charts? It's had a rather interesting ride as this is its 25th week on the charts and it's now finally gaining traction? I was kinda happy when I thought this song had died, so let's hope it dies again.
33- "Rolex" - Ayo & Teo (+6) -- If this could get stuck in the 30's, that would be nice. We don't need to encourage these two to make more dumb music and we certainly don't need to make them household names.
34- "Hurricane" - Luke Combs (+7) -- The biggest country riser this week. And I'm not super thrilled about it, but this is the typical ceiling for country songs, so I don't expect this to get any higher.
38- "Now or Never" - Halsey (+14) -- Halsey continues to soar up the charts, so it appears that this is going to be a bona fide hit on the charts. I can't say I'm super ecstatic about that, but there's worse things that could happen. I'm certainly not going to complain if this ends up getting stuck before hitting top 20.
42- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (+8) -- This French Montana song I am OK with. I'm fine with it rising.
50- "Drowning" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring Kodak Black (+5) -- This French Montana song I am NOT OK with. It needs to stall out and drop.
62- "If I Told You" - Darius Rucker (+32) -- Well that's a huge jump for a country song. I'm pretty happy about this, because I really like this song!
88- "Good Drank" - 2 Chainz, Gucci Mane & Quavo (+11) -- It's because of Quavo, isn't it? Curse you America for making Migos a thing! But alas, this is only at No. 88, so not time to panic yet, but I have a feeling that this awful rap song is going to continue to get higher.
New Arrivals:
1- "I'm the One" - DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne -- Why do we need five singers on one song? There's no purpose behind that. None. Not any musical purpose anyways. This is just a cheap way to get more sales and more streaming. And it's actually a boring song. That's what I classify this as. Like with every DJ Khaled song, this is not a DJ Khaled song as all he does is give is same short intro, "We the best music! Another One! DJ Khaled!" Outside that, all he does is echo Bieber on the chorus a couple of times. That's it. He makes everyone else do his dirty work while he gets credit for the No. 1 hit. Speaking of Bieber, he's only here to send the song to No. 1 as he just gives the same boring, lifeless chorus in between each of our three rappers taking turns with their verses, which are also quite shallow and boring. Chance the Rapper has probably the least annoying verse with Quavo getting the most annoying verse, but neither verse is any good. At nearly five minutes, the song is about two minutes too long. So they should've just picked one rapper instead of three and cut down on the verses and chorus. Or just not recorded the song in the first place. If this becomes the song of the summer, I'm going to be upset.
61- "1-800-273-8255" - Logic featuring Alessia Cara & Khalid -- I didn't quite connect with Logic's most recent song, "Black SpiderMan" from two weeks ago. I thought it was good intentions that didn't quite have great execution. This is another song from Logic with good intentions, except this time it DOES connect. 1-800-273-8255 is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which perhaps could be made more clear in the song itself, but this is a song about Logic singing from the perspective of one who wants to commit suicide, then calling the number and talking himself out of it. The message here is that if you are thinking you are useless and you don't want to live anymore, then call and get help. I think that's fantastic. I think Khalid is just attached on the end as a bit of an afterthought, but I do look Alessia Cara's verse in the middle. I think he could've used her a bit more as perhaps voicing the person Logic is talking to. But overall I'm pleased and if this song helps save lives like Logic hopes it will, then that's amazing!
67- "First Time" - Kygo & Ellie Goulding -- Well here's a match made in heaven. As a quick overview, I absolutely loved Ellie's first two albums. In fact, I loved them so much that I considered her one of my favorite current singers. Then she went away from everything good and gave us a boring, bland pop album with her third album that had me extremely disappointed. Teaming her up with Kygo, one of my current favorite DJ's, seems like the perfect way to get her back on track. For at least one song. And it works. While the lyrics are kind of a poor man's "Castle on the Hill" and the song doesn't hit the emotional highs as that song, this still has a dang good tropical vibe to it thanks to Kygo that builds to a pretty great drop. It feels like old Ellie and that makes me happy. I'm glad Kygo is getting time in the spotlight in 2017 and I hope this becomes a big summer hit.
70- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons -- I'm still waiting for Imagine Dragons to deliver another solid tune like "Radioactive" or other awesome songs from their first album. Instead, "Believer" and "Thunder" both give off a second album vibe. Nothing bad, but also nothing special either. I will say, though, that "Thunder" is a step above "Believer." There's not a lot of depth to the song and not a ton of lyrics, either. But this has a really powerful bass to it that I imagine will be super awesome if you have a good stereo, so credit there. It's a fun song. But it feels like good album filler as opposed to a knock-out home run single. I expect more out of Imagine Dragons than a bunch of album filler.
76- "Bon Appetit" - Katy Perry featuring Migos -- What in the fetch did I just listen to? Katy got a lot of hate for "Chained to the Rhythm" and that made me upset because I thought that was a great song. It had a fun, disco vibe to it and a message that was subtly brilliant. That gave me a lot of high hopes for Katy's upcoming fourth studio album. Then she follows it up with this? This is Katy trying to be super sexy and risque by saying she's on the menu and is spread out like a buffet. But it doesn't land. At all. Instead of actually being sexy and catchy like "California Gurls," this ends up being a worse version of "Birthday" from her third album, "Prism." I say worse version because including Migos on the song takes this from bad to awful. If Katy is trying to get back in the spotlight, this is not the way to do it. But I'm still excited for the album. I still liked "Prism" despite "Birthday." I just have to lower my expectations to cautiously optimistic.
87- "Privacy" - Chris Brown -- Does the world need more Chris Brown? Do I even need to explain myself here? No, I don't. You know what I'm going to say. But I'm going to say it anyways. This song is awful. We start with this line, "I need your body in ways that you don't understand." Then he proceeds to go into graphic detail about how he's making love with this girl. I mean, heaven forbid Chris Brown treat girls like human beings instead of objects of his gratification. This is one of the worst songs of the year and someone needs to punch Chris Brown in the face. Let's move on.
90- "Slow Hands" - Niall Horan -- We get two more 1D solo songs this week, the first of the two being Niall's second single. I do think "This Town" is a decent song, but I think the song was a bit too stripped down as I got bored of it after a minute or two in. It could've used more of a band behind it. "Slow Hands" does exactly that. This is not an acoustic song like "This Town." This goes for a classic rock vibe. Except the problem here is with the lyrics. It's a lot like the previous two songs I talked about, except not close to as graphic as Chris Brown and not quite as stupid as Katy Perry. But Niall and this girl are going to go to her place to make love after a good night out. He tries to be sexy and edgy, but it doesn't work for me. Maybe the 1D teenage girl fans will be drooling all over themselves as they picture themselves in the place of this girl. But as a 28-year-old dude, I just don't buy this. Niall isn't doing as good of a job with his solo work as his 1D friends.
91- "Magnolia" - Playboi Carti -- In between our two 1D solo songs, we have a song from a new rapper named Playboi Carti. And what a joy that it's a rapper mimicking Migos. Because the cool way to rap these days is short phrases with a lot of annoying sound effects and echoes. That's all this is. A Migos wannabe. This trend needs to stop. Now. Because it wasn't good in the first place when Migos did it and now every rapper wants to copy that trend and all it does is drive me crazy. I barely made it through a minute of this song before I was done.
93- "Sweet Creature" - Harry Styles -- Here's our other 1D solo song. Harry Styles' second single. And man, Niall really needs to go talk to his friend Harry because they both tried to do the same thing with their first two singles, but Harry did it so much better. "Sign of the Times" was a fantastic debut that I rather enjoyed and this is yet another solid song. Like Niall's "This Town," this is a stripped down acoustic song, but I was absolutely NOT bored. In fact, I was fully invested in the whole song. It's an absolutely beautiful song with a lot of emotion as he talks about the challenges with him and this girl (I assume) as they work through their relationship. They're both stubborn and it's hard for Harry when they argue, but despite that they are perfect for each other. Well done Harry. I never envisioned myself being super excited for a solo album from one of the 1D members, but after hearing "Sign of the Times" and now "Sweet Creature," I absolutely am excited!
100- "Wokeuplikethis*" - Playboi Carti featuring Lil Uzi Vert -- Surprise! We get, not one, but TWO songs from Playboi Carti. This time his space bar was broken when he typed this title. And why is there a star symbol at the end? Because it looks cool, probably. But no it doesn't. Anyways, what confuses me about this song is that it seems like he's rapping about other rappers trying to copy him, which doesn't make sense. First, he's not big enough for others to copy his style. Second, his style isn't his style. It's him copying Migos again. So that sounds hypocritical to me. If it's something different he's talking about, feel free to correct me if you want. But lyrics aside, I was still annoyed by the sound of the song itself and having Lil Uzi join in doesn't help matters. My internet actually cut out halfway through the song and I didn't really care enough to finish it.
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