Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Despacito" - Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (=) -- In case you wanted this song to go away, I have bad news. This week "Despacito" posted the second highest weekly streaming total ever, behind only "Harlem Shake." Yup. And it's sales and radio are also still rising. Thus I'm going to throw a very early number out there. "Macarena" got 14 weeks at No. 1. Can "Despacito" match that? I certainly think that 10+ weeks is practically a guarantee at this point, even though it's only at four right now. And if you disagree, then please inform me what you think has the momentum to stop this. I'm all ears.
2- "That's What I Like" - Bruno Mars (=) -- No sympathy for Bruno only getting one week on top. He's now racked up nine weeks at No. 2. That type of staying power is almost more impressive than getting a lot of time at the top. Also, this week the top nine are the exact same as last week. BORING!!! So let's move through the rest of these quickly.
3- "I'm the One" - DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne (=) -- This song needs to burn and die.
4- "Humble." - Kendrick Lamar (=) -- This song needs to move up a few spots.
5- "Shape of You" - Ed Sheeran (=) -- Time for Ed to go away.
6- "Mask Off" - Future (=) -- This song needs to burn and die.
7- "Stay" - Zedd & Alessia Cara (=) -- This song needs to burn and die.
8- "Something Just Like This" The Chainsmokers & Coldplay (=) -- For the sake of The Chainsmokers finally leaving the top 10, I'd be fine with this song going.
9- "XO Tour Llif3" - Lil Uzi Vert (=) -- This song needs to burn and die.
10- "Congratulations" - Post Malone featuring Quavo (+3) -- And we arrival at our new arrival. Instead of Kygo moving up on the charts, he leaves and instead of getting "Issues" or "Say You Won't Let Go" (our No. 11 and No. 12 this week), Post freaking Malone now has a top 10 hit. What an outright shame to humanity this man's unintelligent, uninspiring piece of dog crap music is. This song practically burns my eardrums when I listen to even 30 seconds of it. And this is what we call music these days? Music deserving of being in the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100? And you wonder why I complain each week about the pathetic state of our current Billboard charts. Good songs get thrown to the curb while trash is what rises to the tops. And now Quavo has two songs in the top 10 at the same time right now even though he adds nothing intelligent to either one.
Rising on the Hot 100:
17- "Redbone" - Childish Gambino (+5) -- "Redbone" continues to rise up the charts each week and now we're closer to this hitting the top 10. That would fantastic! This is just the right type of unique energy that our current top 10 could really use. And it's a song that grows on you quite a bit the more you listen to it!
18- "Unforgettable" - French Montana featuring Swae Lee (+5) -- If we have to have a bunch of rap songs in the top 10 at all times, I'd be fine if this became a placeholder. While not close to Kendrick levels, this is at least much better than "I'm the One," "Mask Off," "XO Tour Llif3" and "Congratulations."
20- "Rolex" - Ayo & Teo (+11) -- This, on the other hand, better not enter the top 10. It's the exact opposite of what we need right now. More awful rap music.
33- "Slow Hands" - Niall Horan (+19) -- Harry Styles' "Sign of the Times" has stalled out on the charts and is starting to fall after failing to re-enter the top 10 after his huge debut. If this becomes the 1D song that the country latches onto instead, I'm going to be mad. Good 70's-style classic rock throwback from Harry isn't good enough for anyone, but this boring piece of work is?
41- "Drowning" - A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring Kodak Black (+7) -- The downside of Kodak Black's "Unforgettable" rising up the charts: his other music is following it. And we're making A Boogie wit da Hoodie a thing. Please let this stop rising and go away.
44- "Slippery" - Migos featuring Gucci Mane (+7) -- No! I thought we had all decided that we're NOT going to let any more Migos songs rise higher. It's bad enough that Quavo has two featured hits in the top 10 right now. We certainly don't need any more with all three of them together.
47- "Everyday We Lit" - YFN Lucci featuring PnB Rock (+8) -- This, too? I kinda forgot this song existed and I was hoping the was going to do the same thing.
49- "Magnolia" - Playboi Carti (+9) -- Oh but we're not done torturing me this week.
70- "Felices Los 4" - Maluma (+20) -- Well finally we have another decent song rising as Maluma makes his attempt to feed off the success of "Despacito." I'd be down with this going higher!
86- "Weak" - AJR (+10) -- But we couldn't have two good songs in a row could we? I'm unashamedly going to say that this song is very weak and needs to not get much higher than No. 86.
New Arrivals:
74- "Somethin Tells Me" - Bryson Tiller -- In addition to a boring top 10 and some uninspiring rises on the charts, we also have the arrival of Bryson Tiller's new album on the charts. Well, five of his songs that is. And we start with the second to last song from the 19 track album. And I have to say, there's certainly a lot worse than Bryson Tiller out there. He has a nice voice and his choruses in this song have a decent groove. For some reason I was expecting this to be rap, but I guess I don't know Bryson Tiller too well because this is R&B. The problem here is that the content of this song isn't super interesting. He's accepted the fact that this relationship isn't going to last, thus he feels tormented inside when they are together. That's pretty much it. Nothing bad, but nothing I'm going to write home to or remember existed if it falls off the charts soon.
85- "Self-Made" - Bryson Tiller -- While "Somethin Tells Me" is more R&B, this is more of what I was expecting because this is rap. And rather boring rap at that. Musically speaking, it's essentially one or two measures of music copied and pasted over and over throughout the song while Bryson challenges his inner Migos by making plenty of sound effects and echoes. Then he just spends the song talking about how rich he is and how he's been balling like Steph Curry (because all rappers need to mention Steph now days) and needs to spend all the money on himself. Nope. Pass.
88- "Met Gala" - Gucci Mane featuring Offset -- Oh goodness, heck no! This is billed as Gucci featuring Offset because it's Gucci's song, but listening to it, it feels more like Offset featuring Gucci because Offset starts things off and we don't get Gucci until two minutes in. So yes, this is essentially another Migos song drowning in echoes and sound effects with the rap consisting of a bunch of short phrases that don't really connect together to make a cohesive idea. I'm really sick of Migos influencing ever rapper out there to copy their extremely annoying style that is literally the musical nightmare for someone with Misophonia. Yeah, this song is literally unlistenable for me. Looking over the lyrics, there's even a line that says, "Look at my boogers, they big as you." What?
89- "Don't Get Too High" - Bryson Tiller -- Back to Bryson Tiller and back to more of an R&B feel with this song, but a little bit of a rap vibe to it. This song is towards the beginning of the album and finds Bryson telling the girl what she should be doing, because she's getting to drunk and too high and he just wants to love her and be by her side. I don't know, it feels too bossy. And he wonders why this relationship is bound to fail, as he states in "Somethin Tells Me." It's also really boring. Nothing that upsets or angers me, but it might put me to sleep if play it again.
90- "No Such Thing as a Broken Heart" - Old Dominion -- I went through all the Bryson Tiller songs first, then jumped to Gucci and Offset before getting to this. And man, after so much boring Bryson Tiller and awful Migos music, I was almost relieved to listen to this because at least it doesn't threaten to put me to sleep or make my eardrums hurt. But that's as far as I'll go with positives. This is a middle of the road country song with a lackluster message. He's telling us that we've gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart. I get the sentiments of what he's trying to go for, but I think there's a better way that this could've been phrased. And there's not a lot of emotion or depth to back up these lyrics. Not a country song I'm ever going to remember.
91- "Run Me Dry" - Bryson Tiller -- We're back towards the middle of Bryson's album, the song right after "Self-Made." And here he's just describing this doomed relationship again. The first verse I gather is him admitting that it's a sex-based relationship at this point because that's all they've got going because he spends the whole second verse complaining about this girl and how she's done nothing for him despite him claiming he's given everything for her. And it's another cut and paste job musically. But the choruses are slightly different than the verses, so there's a minor touch of creativity, but not a whole lot. I get the vibe that if I were to try to listen to this whole album, I would fall asleep rather fast. I'm glad there's only five of these. And only one more to go.
94- "There for You" - Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan -- After typing up all the new arrivals for this week, I immediately was filled with a huge sense of dread and what I was in for, which was especially disappointing considering how boring the top 10 is and how nervous the rising songs list makes me. But hey! At least we have a Martin Garrix song to cover! That's one bright light as he's one of my favorite DJ's. And yes, this is easily the best song of the week. Although as you can tell, that wasn't a very high bar to jump over. Unfortunately for Martin Garrix standards, this doesn't live up to most of his other songs. The Martin Garrix part of the song is smooth and relaxing, but not quite as interesting as his other beats. And Troye Sivan brings nothing to the table. His lyrics are shallow and boring. But not bad overall. Just not great.
98- "No Longer Friends" - Bryson Tiller -- The final Bryson Tiller song this week is the first real song on the album following the intro and in this song we learn that this relationship he keeps speaking of throughout these songs started off as them just being friends while she had a boyfriend that of course Bryson doesn't approve of because he thinks he's much better. And suddenly everything about this boring, lifeless relationship makes sense. It started off superficial and apparently didn't last very long. Nice try Bryson. And now that I'm done covering the Bryson songs for the week, let me just say that overall it's been a boring ride with no depth, but yet not as painful to listen to as many other rap songs plaguing the charts at this moment.
99- "Butterfly Effect" - Travis Scott -- See what I mean when I say every rapper is trying to copy Migos? Even Travis Scott is on board. Short phrases that don't seem to connect together followed by a lot of echoes. When I have to sit and stare at these lyrics trying to decipher how they fit together and I can't come up with anything, that's NOT a good thing. But at least Travis Scott is better at doing Migos than Migos is. By that I mean that this song isn't annoying. I can sit and listen to the whole thing without wanting to gouge my eardrums out. And he's not mumbling through his lyrics like Future and the Future wannabes do. But "I can tolerate the music" and "I can understand the words he's saying" shouldn't be the basis of what we call good rap because this song still has nothing interesting in terms of content and music. It's mostly just boring and dull.
100- "Strangers" - Halsey featuring Lauren Jauregui -- Halsey's sophomore album, "hopeless fountain kingdom," has dropped. I haven't listened to it, but maybe I will check it out at some point to see if there is anything salvageable because I did kinda enjoy "BADLANDS." I'm not super excited to give this whole album a listen, though, because I found "Now or Never" fairly lifeless and I find "Strangers" lacking depth or emotion. What immediately jumped out to me with this song is that it's a lesbian romance song. Halsey and Lauren are clearly singing to each other as they are upset that they are strangers now instead of lovers. So either Halsey is bisexual or she just wanted more LGBT representation in modern pop music. I don't have a problem with that either way, but I will say that this specific angle isn't enough to win me over. You still have to do something interesting with the music part of things and that doesn't happen. I like the harmony on the chorus with Halsey and Lauren singing it together, but other than that, both singers play it safe musically. Not much emotion and Halsey doesn't stretch herself vocally, which I know she is capable of. And the lyrics just have no depth. It's all cliche, surface-level stuff. The only thing that makes this song unique is that it's a girl singing about a girl. You gotta give me more than just that. Sorry.
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