DrogeMiester's Billboard Analysis - January 7, 2017

It's time for a new segment on this blog! One where I actually put my writing skills to work and give you my thoughts on the Billboard charts each week. I've been doing this on my personal facebook for several months now, but with my Billboard project coming to a close and a new year underway, this is the perfect time transition from facebook to this blog! If you've been following my weekly thoughts on facebook, you'll know that all I did there was give my thoughts on the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. While I wanted to do more each week, the formatting on facebook isn't exactly designed for super long posts, so I kept it simple. But now that we're over here, it's time to have some fun and do everything that I had wanted to do. Specifically, in addition to giving you my thoughts on the top 10, I'll be added a list of the songs that had significant gains below the top 10 (a lot of those this week) as well as my initial thoughts on our new arrivals. So without further ado, let's get started! 

Billboard Hot 100 Top 10: 

1- "Starboy" - The Weeknd featuring Daft Punk (+1) — Oh my goodness, it did it! We're starting off the year in glorious fashion as after eight weeks of being stuck at No. 2 behind "Closer" and "Black Beatles," justice has been done. After six painful weeks with "Black Beatles," we finally have a song deserving of the spotlight. Oh, and by the way, Daft Punk now has a No. 1 hit! Isn't that alone fantastic? 2017 has started off in great fashion. Hopefully it's a sign of things to come.

2- "Black Beatles" - Rae Sremmurd featuring Gucci Mane (-1) — As it wasn't even deserving of being in the top 10, six weeks at No. 1 was certainly six weeks too long. Let's hope this continues to bleed and disappears from the charts before too long.

3- "Closer" - The Chainsmokers featuring Daya (=) — If you're keeping track, it's now been 19 weeks for "Closer" in the top 10. Two weeks away from tying Bruno's record. The only person that can stop them is Bruno himself. But can Bruno get over the hump?

4- "24K Magic" - Bruno Mars — My initial thoughts is that I don't think so. Bruno seems stuck at this spot. Which I'm fine with. I don't really care for this to go any higher.

5- "Juju on that Beat (TZ Anthem)" - Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall (+3) — I was scared of this. Our two new debuts from last week both took expected second week drops, allowing for everything in the bottom of the top 10 to shift back up. This managed to even jump three spots due to "Side to Side" falling flat. Let's hope this doesn't stay this way. I want this gone!

6- "Side to Side" - Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj (-1) — I would've rather had this stay in the top 5 for another week than Juju going back. But really, can something step up and fix this?

7- "Let Me Love You" - DJ Snake featuring Justin Bieber (+2) — DJ Snake is stubbornly holding onto its spot in the top 10. Giving what is under it, it would be great if this song could be stubborn for a bit longer.

8- "Don't Wanna Know" - Maroon 5 featuring Kendrick Lamar (+2) — Who's still listening to this? I really don't get this love affair that the radio has with Maroon 5. Go away already! 

9- "Bad Things" - Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello (+5) — I'm guessing the news that Camila Cabello is officially done with Fifth Harmony sparked this to jump five spots? I'm honestly curious as to how Camila does on her own as well and how Fifth Harmony does without her.

10- "Fake Love" - Drake (+2) — Oh my freak. Why did we let Drake back into the top 10. Sure, this is not as bad as his other new song "Sneakin'," but that's not saying very much. Drake is not talented. Why does he get so much love?

Rising on the Hot 100:

11- "Caroline" - Amine (+5) — Last week saw J. Cole's full album chart. That happened shortly after The Weeknd's full album charted. With those two albums dying off, a whole ton of songs rose back up. Let's go through them quickly. We start with "Caroline," a song that is probably headed for the top 10 soon. I'm guessing it will replace Maroon 5 or DJ Snake. This is not a good thing. Even though I don't like Maroon 5's song.

13- "Bad and Boujee" - Migos featuring Lil Uzi Vert (+13) — Another song that I don't understand. Why are these two a thing?

14- "Scars to Your Beautiful" - Alessia Cara (+4) — This song is great. Wouldn't it be fantastic if it jumped those two awful rap songs ahead of it?

16- "All I Want for Christmas is You" - Mariah Carey (+4) — Mariah's annual trip to the Hot 100 with this Christmas classic. I believe this has peaked at No. 11? It would be cool if it could go top 10 this next week!

19- "Ooouuu" - Young M.a. (+28) — Ouch. That's a really high jump for a really bad rap song. If you didn't know, Young M.a. is a 24-year-old female lesbian rapper. That's very unique for sure. And I'm not a homophobic sexist, but I honestly think the politics behind this song is why it's doing so well. Not the quality of the song itself. Yes, lesbian female rappers can make bad rap songs, too. Just look at that freaking title.

20- "Love on the Brain" - Rihanna (+7) — Well, if we had to have another song from "Anti" do well, I'm glad it's this and not something awful like "Sex with Me." This is also better than "Work" and "Needed Me," but that's not saying very much. I'd still prefer if this missed the top 10. Rihanna's had too many undeserved top 10 hits. Let's balance things out a bit.

21- "Bounce Back" - Big Sean (+10) — Yes, this song bounced back. And that's not a good thing.

22- "The Greatest" - Sia featuring Kendrick Lamar (+6) — Not as good as "Cheap Thrills," but I'd still like this to go top 10. However, being that this has been on the charts for 16 weeks now, I don't think it will.

23- "Hallelujah" - Pentatonix (+22) — Christmas push for Pentatonix. Very well deserved. "Mary Did You Know?" by them also returned for Christmas. Can this go even higher next week?

24- "All Time Low" - Jon Bellion (+12) — I'm not as high on this as everyone else is. Mr. Bellion I think broke the record for most times the world "low" has been said in a song and I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. But I'll take it over a lot of these other songs.

25- "I Feel it Coming" - The Weeknd featuring Daft Punk (+8) — I wish "False Alarm" would've been the next big song for The Weeknd following "Starboy," but I'm not complaining too much. This is also a good song from the album.

27- "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee (+21) — Such a fun classic! It's always good to see it on the charts around Christmas.

28- "Mercy" - Shawn Mendes (+16) — Better than "Treat You Better," I suppose. But that's not saying much. We shouldn't be encouraging Mr. Mendes by buying his music.

29- "Jingle Bell Rock" - Bobby Helms (+17) — I don't remember this one being here last year? But I'm not complaining. Another awesome Christmas classic!

30- "In the Name of Love" - Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha (+5) — I was hoping this song would've gone top 10, but they kinda got stuck in the 20's and 30's. Not bad, I suppose.

33- "Blue Ain't Your Color" - Keith Urban (+5) — The highest country song of the week. I usually ignore these country songs. I don't hate them, but I don't love them, either.

37- "This Town" - Niall Horan (+13) — Snoozefest. Better than Zayn's efforts, though. I'm curious to see what the other 1D members can do this year. I thought Louis did good last week with his Steve Aoki collaboration. I hope that one comes back up.

51- "Water Under the Bridge" - Adele (+10) — This is actually one of my favorite songs off "25." I was pleasantly surprised to see it was Adele's new single. I hope this goes to infinite and beyond! 2017 could use more Adele!

56- "How Far I'll Go" - Auli'i Cravalho (+10) — This is not a bad song. But it's a very average song from Disney in a very average "Moana" film. I do love Auli'i, though. She's adorable.

79- "Rockabye" - Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul & Anne-Marie (+11) — This is another one of those worldwide hits that hasn't quite caught on in this country. A real shame. Clean Bandit is fan-freaking-tastic and deserves more recognition in the United States. I'm glad to see it get a jump and I hope it can gain traction.

80- "Alone" - Marshmello (+19) — I included this in my favorite songs of 2016 list earlier this week. Love it! Glad to see it get a 19 spot jump!

81- "How Far I'll Go" - Alessia Cara (+13) — I love Alessia, but I really don't know why this song exists. I don't know why the Demi Lovato version of "Let it Go" existed either, for the record. And I was one that loved "Frozen" and that song.

82- "All We Know" - The Chainsmokers featuring Phoebe Ryan (+13) — Not bad, but The Chainsmokers can do better. I don't think this will last too much longer on the charts, but it had a good jump this week.

85- "Selfish" - PnB Rock (+11) — Meh. Not good, but I'll take it over a lot of the other awful rap songs.

86- "You're Welcome" - Dwayne Johnson (+11) — This here is the actual best song from "Moana." And I still think it's cool that Dwayne Johnson has a Billboard hit on his resume.

New Arrivals:

41- "Both" - Gucci Mane featuring Drake — Gucci Mane managed to get a No. 1 hit with "Black Beatles." So of course that means he had to collaborate with Drake. And in it Drake admits to being drunk and high over and over. That would explain a lot. Drake sounds drunk and high in all of his songs. But that's what we call music these days on our generation. Shame.

44- "Feliz Navidad" - José Feliciano — Oh heck, yes! The Spanish/English Christmas song that will get everyone in the room, young and old, ecstatically joining in with you after just two words. Sometimes it's the simple songs in life that make for the best songs and this is easily one of the greatest Christmas songs. Glad to see it's now a Billboard hit.

46- "A Holly Jolly Christmas" - Burl Ives — Oh good memories of the classic Rudolph television special with this one. I'm surprised to see this is the first time ever that this song has charted.

48- "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - Andy Williams — Oh man, we're on a role with these Christmas songs with another classic showing up for the first time. In between these three were the re-entries of "Mary Did You Know?" by Pentatonix and "The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)" by Nat King Cole. Great Christmas Billboard charts!

50- "Last Christmas" - Wham! — And we'll end the Christmas songs with the most controversial of the bunch. Every other Christmas song on the charts is a well-loved classic. This is a classic covered by many that his half loved, half hated. Personally, while I'm not going to claim it as one of my favorite Christmas songs, I think it's a fine song. Due to the tragic death of George Michael (may he rest in peace), look for this to shoot up the charts next week.

58- "Party" - Chris Brown featuring Usher & Gucci Mane — I would love to see a good song by Usher one of these days, but this is certainly not it. This is not your family-friendly party dance song. It's a party song by Chris Brown and Gucci Mane, two rappers that need to go away and stop plaguing the charts with their awful music.

91- "OTW" - DJ Luke Nasty — Nope. The only "on the way" that this should go is on the way off the charts. DJ Luke Nasty is exactly what his name infers. Nasty. In a bad way.

92- "Red Opps" - 21 Savage — 21 Savage. The rapper that doesn't even rap. He just half talks, half mumbles with some random beats playing in the background. And this song is no different. It even has some annoying sound effects that sound like he let a 12-year-old into the recording studio with him.

99- "Swang" - Rae Sremmurd — Well, this is not part of a Mannequin Challenge. This means this won't gain any traction, right? I mean, it better not. "Black Beatles" should be these brothers' first and last No. 1 hit. In fact, let's just never even invite them into the top 10 again. That would be nice. I will say this is more tolerable than the three rap songs above it, but it's still not good.