Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Black Beatles" - Rae Sremmurd featuring Gucci Mane (+1) -- Oh dear. Here I thought we had made some progress with this song finally going away as we started off the 2017 by letting "Starboy" go No. 1. But now we have to suffer through a seventh week of "Black Beatles" at No. 1. Curse you Mannequin Challenge!
2- "Bad and Boujee" - Migos featuring Lil Uzi Vert (+11) -- Oh my freaking heck. What in the blazes is this doing here? I could've predicted this going top 10 based on it's huge gains the last several weeks, but No. 2? Why America? Why have we rewarded Migos and Lil Uzi Vert with a top five hit? And the worst part of it is this is probably going No. 1 next week. I'm embarrassed.
3- "Starboy" - The Weeknd featuring Daft Punk (-2) -- I'm glad this got to No. 1. But I was really hoping for a stay longer than one week. Go back up!
4- "Closer" - The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey (-1) -- "Closer" missed tying Bruno's record of 21 weeks in the top three by just two weeks thanks to the punks that skyrocketed up to No. 2. Next up is Bruno's record of 25 weeks in the top five. The count on that for "Closer" is now 20 weeks.
5- "24K Magic" - Bruno Mars (-1) -- Looks like No. 4 was the peak for Bruno with this song.
6- "Juju on that Beat (TZ Anthem)" - Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall (-1) -- Gone from the top five again. Can we please keep this out?
7- "Side to Side" - Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj (-1) -- Let's keep this one out, too. Don't let Ariana and Nicki back to the top five.
8- "Let Me Love You" - DJ Snake featuring Justin Bieber (-1) -- I'm impressed with this song's longevity. I thought it would be long gone by now.
9- "Fake Love" - Drake (+1) -- Oh sure. No. 3 through No. 8 all slipped down one spot from last week, but Drake goes up a spot? Does that mean this song is going to slowly start rising as the songs above it start falling. Let's hope not.
10- "Broccoli" - D.R.A.M. featuring Lil Yachty (+5) -- OK, this is a bit of an anomaly. Due to post-Christmas gift card sales, almost every song on the charts had huge sales. I expected that to throw the Hot 100 in a bit of a blender and mix things all up for a week or two before songs started resettling, but all the songs surprisingly stayed put. Except "Broccoli" got a surprise surge with one final week in the top 10. Shame. Let's hope it goes away for good next week. I personally expect "Don't Wanna Know" and "Bad Things" to be back in the top 10 next week. But we'll see what happens.
Rising on the Hot 100:
16- "All Time Low" - Jon Bellion (+8) -- With all the crap in the top 10 right now, I would totally be fine with this making an appearance. I'm still not as big of a fan of this as some other people are, but it's a lot better than most of the crap in the top 10 right now.
17- "Mercy" - Shawn Mendes (+11) -- I'd even be fine with Shawn Mendes in the top 10 again. Because "Mercy" is at least a lot more tolerable than "Stitches" and "Treat You Better."
20- "This Town" - Niall Horan (+17) -- And while we're at it, let's invite Niall to join the club. I'll take what I can get right now.
28- "Blue Ain't Your Color" - Keith Urban (+5) -- This was a huge week for country, as you're about to see. All the major songs on Country radio made huge recoveries. It's always a bit of a surprise to see country songs in the top 30, but even the best country songs peak around this range. But can Keith go top 20? I doubt it, but it would be interesting.
29- "Chill Bill" - Rob $tone featuring J. Davi$ & Spooks (+10) -- I hope this is just a Christmas gift card surge. This song annoys the crap out of me. And I also get annoyed with dollar symbols in rapper's names. They do it because they think they're cool. But everyone else with an "s" in their name does it, too, so it's really not that cool. As you can see, two of these three punks have done it. Boo!
36- "X" - 21 Savage & Metro Boomin featuring Drake (+7) -- Too much 21 Savage rising this week. The dude doesn't even rap. He mumble talks. And this is music we like these days? What's worse is this song brings Metro Bommin and Drake up with him.
41- "Last Christmas" - Wham! (+9) -- Rest in peace, George Michael. In addition to this song rising, "Careless Whisper" and "Faith" made re-entries. All three will be gone next week. But it's a nice tribute by the American public to buy and stream these songs upon the passing of a legend. I enjoy seeing them around.
42- "You was Right" - Lil Uzi Vert (+10) -- Now back to me being negative. Lil Uzi Vert now has a top two hit with his featured take on Migos' pile of horse crap. And now this song jumps 10 spots. Why? Just the title bugs me? Why can't rappers use the English language? It's "you WERE right." Not "you WAS right." Freaking learn how to talk and stop trying to sound cool by using bad grammar in order to please all the middle school boys who are listening to all your trash.
43- "No Heart" - 21 Savage & Metro Boomin (+10) -- Here we go again. Another song with 21 Savage and Metro Boomin. Someone stop this train before a 21 Savage song hits the top 10. That would be a travesty.
44- "Water Under the Bridge" - Adele (+7) -- Oh please save us all Adele! In this sea of awful crap that is the Billboard charts, 2017 could use some Adele in order to encourage some actual good music.
45- "May We All" - Florida Georgia Line featuring Tim McGraw (+15) -- Here the country rise starts showing again. Quite frankly, I prefer country over all this rap garbage by a long shot. And I don't mind Florida Georgia Line. They make decent country music.
48- "Wanna Be that Song" - Brett Eldredge (+14) -- This song I don't care about, though. Mr. Eldredge wants to be a song. That's like the opposite of personification. Yes, I know what he actually means. But I still like poking fun.
49- "How Far I'll Go" - Auli'i Cravalho (+7) -- How far will these "Moana" songs go? Are they going to start dropping now that Christmas is over? "Let it Go" stayed around for a really long time. But that also crossed over to the radio, which I don't think is going to happen to Auli'i's song.
50- "Say You Won't Let Go" - James Arthur (+11) -- This was a No. 1 hit in the U.K. The country where they listen to good music. If we would just follow their example that would be nice. I'm not madly in love with this song, but it is much better than the American No. 1 right now.
51- "Selfish" - PnB Rock (+34) -- This jumped 34 spots this week? How far is it going to jump next week? Now I'm honestly curious.
54- "Dirty Laundry" - Carrie Underwood (+12) -- Oh hey, it's my girl Carrie. If you were to force me to listen to one country singer on repeat, Carrie would be the one. I still remember the day when Simon Cowell on American Idol that she would go onto be the highest selling artist ever from the show. 12 years later she's still going strong. Good prediction, Simon!
59- "Star of the Show" - Thomas Rhett (+17) -- Thomas Rhett is another country singer that I don't mind. Although admittedly that might be because a lot of his songs cross over into country pop. Country purists hate that, but I'm far from a country purist. I kinda like country pop. That was Taylor Swift's genre when she first started singing.
60- "A Guy with a Girl" - Blake Shelton (+11) -- And we follow that up with a country the most cliche title ever for a country song. This is at least half of all country songs right here. Nice work, Blake...
62- "Sleep Without You" - Brett Young (+16) -- Poor, Brett. He can't sleep without his girl.
64- "Dirt on My Boots" - Jon Pardi (+20) -- Brett can't sleep without his girl and Jon has dirt on his boots. Good to know.
67- "HandClap" - Fitz and the Tantrums (+10) -- I have dreams of this becoming the next "Shut Up and Dance." It's a simple song, but a song that's super fun to dance to and just a pure delight. It took a really long time to finally debut, though, and now has wandered around in the bottom half of the Hot 100 for 14 weeks. So my dream will probably never come to fruition. I'm guessing this is just a Christmas gift card boost. Still nice to see it jump 10 spots, though.
69- "How far I'll Go" - Alessia Cara (+12) -- I expected Auli'i's version to stick around for a while, but I've been honestly impressed by how much staying power this sub-par version by Alessia has had. I thought it would only get a week or two.
73- "You're Welcome" - Dwayne Johnson (+13) -- Oh can this please stick around for longer? This has been stuck in my head all day, which is annoying. But I'm still happy to see it gaining.
74- "OTW" - DJ Luke Nasty (+17) -- No! Go away!
75- "Red Opps" - 21 Savage (+17) -- The heck with 21 Savage! Why?
76- "Swang" - Rae Sremmurd (+23) -- No!
81- "Play that Song" - Train (+15) -- You know that piano song "Heart and Soul" that everyone and their dog knows how to play, even if they don't know piano? Well, Train put words to it. And I didn't even have to look at the comments of his music video to figure that out. I was sitting there after my first listen wondering why this new Train song sounded familiar and it hit me pretty quickly. It's pretty genius. I kinda love it! Always good to see Train on the charts!
New Arrivals:
71- "Moves" - Big Sean -- Well at least with "Bounce Back" it sounded like Big Sean was trying to write a song he cared about. I'm not a Big Sean fan, but he's done a lot of songs that are at least tolerable. This song is pure trash.
79- "Seein' Red" - Dustin Lynch -- Surprisingly I actually kind of dig this. It might be a little bit of a country rock mixed with country pop. Or whatever. I'm not sure if this can be called pure country. In fact, a lot of country nowadays is also like southern rock with a twang and not true country. But whatever genre you classify this as, it's a fun song.
80- "iSpy" - KYLE featuring Lil Yachty -- I have no idea who KYLE is, why his caps lock button is stuck when he types his name, what his last name is or why he has a 30 second conversation at the beginning of this song. But I don't like it. I don't want to know anymore of KYLE and I certainly want Lil Yachty to disappear.
90- "Think a Little Less" - Michael Ray -- Think a little less. That's what America has done today when listening to music. And I don't know if kissing a little more and thinking a little less is that good of an idea, anyways. This goes back to normal, boring country.
95- "No Flockin" - Kodak Black -- Kodak Black better not become a thing. He got his first Hot 100 hit last year while featured on that awful song "Lockjaw" by French Montana. Now he gets his first Hot 100 song as a lead artist. And it's not much better.
96- "Timeless" - A Boogie Wit da Hoodie featuring DJ Spinking -- Anyone who names themselves "A Boogie Wit da Hoodie" deserves to be slapped. And where in the heck did the name DJ Spinking come from? A second slap comes to both for this awful song.
98- "Way Down We Go" - Kaleo -- Hey, I have a friend name Kaleo! Fun to see that name for a rock band. And can this song please be a huge hit? We could use a little help from an Icelandic rock band who knows how to make good music in the midst of all this rap, country and bland pop. I don't know why more songs like this don't chart.
99- "hate u love u" - Olivia O'Brien -- Wait, what? This is a bit of a surprise move. I was one who was a fan of "i hate u, i love u," even though I was mildly annoyed that it was stylized in all lowercase by Gnash. I was happy to see it get top 10, even if it was for only a couple of weeks. Now that that song has gone, it's back. A different version of it by Olivia O'Brien without Gnash. And I'm not sure I like it as much. The song worked good as a duet, especially when you listened to the clean version. A version with Olivia O'Brien only is a little more boring.
100- "Shaky Shaky" - Daddy Yankee -- This one is a bit of a facepalm for me right now. I don't know what the lyrics are outside "shaky shaky" repeated over and over because I don't speak Spanish. But I could wager a guess. That aside, this is a fun Latino dance song, I suppose. I wonder how much crossover it will have to the general public. If it does become a big hit, I wonder if it will grow on me or start annoying me. But it's still better than most songs on the chart right now, so I'll take it.
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