Billboard Hot 100 Top 10:
1- "Perfect" - Ed Sheeran & Beyonce (+2) -- Hallelujah! Billboard releases a video on their YouTube channel every Monday around noon with the new top 10 of the week and when I was watching that this week, I literally jumped for joy when I saw "Perfect" had dethroned "rockstar." I jumped up and did a fist pump in the air, screaming my excitement. We're technically not out of the water just yet as this week represents the first full week of sales for this new duet version of the song, thus meaning sales should take a dip next week, but let's hope it manages to stay on top next week because this is the song we all deserve at the top of the charts. It's such a pretty love song from Ed Sheeran that's enhanced with the addition of Beyonce, who by the way gets her first No. 1 hit this decade as her last No. 1 was her 2008 single "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)." The world of music has tried hard to give her this honor in 2017, but DJ Khaled's "Shining," J Balvin's "Mi Gente" and Eminem's "Walk on Water" all fell short of No. 1 with Beyonce attached. Fourth time's the charm, I suppose.
2- "rockstar" - Post Malone featuring 21 Savage (-1) -- I still can't believe we let this song sit and rot at the top of the charts for eight whole weeks. That's one of the most despicable things we've done all year. Next step is to somehow get rid of this song's streaming so it can start falling off. Perhaps we should permanently take away streaming privileges of everyone who thinks this song is a masterpiece because they're probably the same people who are streaming all the other awful rap songs as well.
3- "Havana" - Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug (-1) -- Camila just couldn't catch a break with this song. Even if she finally overcomes "rockstar," she'll be right back at No. 2 because she's not getting past Ed and Beyonce. The silver lining, though, is that "Havana" is now on top of the radio charts, dethroning "Thunder."
4- "Gucci Gang" - Lil Pump (=) -- OK, I'm happy that this now seems stuck below the top three and that it arrived to late in the year to even think about making the end of year charts, but the next step is to remove this from the top five so it can then tumble out of the top 10 and get out of my life for good.
5- "Thunder" - Imagine Dragons (=) -- At this point, I would take "Thunder" moving up a spot if it meant dumping "Gucci Gang." But a better scenario would be to dump both of these songs. As I previously mentioned, this finally got dethroned on the radio, but said radio is still big enough for it to stubbornly stick around for a while longer.
6- "Too Good at Goodbyes" - Sam Smith (=) -- I'm really happy that Sam Smith has finally stabilized on the charts. I would prefer this to go higher, but at least it's not going away. So I'll take that as a win. But if this could somehow jump ahead of "Gucci Gang" and "Thunder," that would be fantastic.
7- "No Limit" - G-Eazy featuring A$AP Rocky & Cardi B (+1) -- Cardi's tumble with "Bodak Yellow" is Cardi's gain with "No Limit." That's unfortunate really because "No Limit" is a piece of trash. Let's just hope that this doesn't get any higher.
8- "Bad at Love" - Halsey (+3) -- I saw this one coming. After The Chainsmokers put Halsey in the limelight for probably way longer than either act deserved with "Closer," many wondered if Halsey would be able to make it back to the top 10 on her own. Myself included. Turns out the answer to that is yes. And while I'm happy to have another female in the top 10 as our male/female ratio this year in the top 10 remains around a 75/25 proportion, Halsey's not exactly the female artist that I wanted in this region. I would've much rather had Dua Lipa, but she unfortunately got kicked down a few notches instead of going up, which makes me sad. I hope she can recover.
9- "Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)" - Cardi B (-2) -- It's quite likely that this is Cardi B's last week in the top 10 with "Bodak Yellow." While I've developed a semi-neutral feel towards it due to my hatred of everything else, I would still contend that in three months from now no one on planet earth will remember this song existed.
10- "What Lovers Do" - Maroon 5 featuring SZA (-1) -- At also makes me really happy that Maroon 5 hasn't been able to get much traction in the top 10 with this song. It's now celebrated four weeks in the top 10 with No. 9 being as high as it managed to get.
Rising on the Hot 100:
11- "All I Want for Christmas is You" - Mariah Carey (+10) -- Christmas season has finally arrived and Mariah Carey celebrated her annual re-entry onto the Billboard charts last week with her modern-day Christmas classic in "All I Want for Christmas is You." In previous years, the highest this song was able to get was No. 11, which is where it now stands in its second week of the season. Every year I wonder if this is the year it finally cracks the top 10 and boy it's looking like this just might be the year, which will have me ecstatic because this is a pretty good Christmas song.
Since I don't have a section for re-entries as I usually don't care that much, I will note here that other Christmas songs that returned to the Billboard charts this week are "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee at No. 37, "The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)" by Nat King Cole at No. 42, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by Andy Williams at No. 45 and "A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives at No. 47. I hope they all have success this season and I imagine that we'll even get a few more as Christmas gets even closer. The Billboard rules are that they have to crack the top 50 and be gaining in several categories in order to justify their return.
13- "Gummo" - 6ix9ine (+41) -- Well this is concerning. Are people who are streaming this song paying any attention to what this thug is saying? It's a very disturbing song by a very disturbed individual and I'm baffled that we're giving this guy a career because he probably deserves to be in jail. At least he would if he ever followed through with anything he rapped about in this song. I imagine this got this high because of some sort of music video? If this ends up being top 10 material, that might be just as bad if not worse than "Gucci Gang."
14- "I Get the Bag" - Gucci Mane featuring Migos (+2) -- We stopped this song from entering the top 10 before as it previously peaked at No. 11. Let's repeat that and keep this song in the teens.
15- "MotorSport" - Migos, Nicki Minaj & Cardi B (+2) -- I'm surprised that this song has done nothing but hang around in the teens since debuting a month ago. I'm definitely not complaining, though, because the world needs to reject Migos and leave their disgustingly annoying style of rap in 2017.
22- "Let You Down" - NF (+7) -- Top 20 next week for the Christian rapper? That would excite me. Can we get this even higher by elevating it into the top 10? I'm not holding my breath for that, but I'd be happy if it did.
26- "How Long" - Charlie Puth (+6) -- How long to I have to suffer from Charlie Puth being on the charts before the world realizes that the man has no ounce of talent in him and starts to reject his bland, boring music?
29- "The Way Life Goes" - Lil Uzi Vert featuring Nicki Minaj (+10) -- Does anyone remember that Lil Uzi released an album back in September? I didn't think so. No surprise that the song with the Nicki feature is the only song from that album that's actually doing anything. There's certainly more offensive things making their way to the top right now, but I'd be really happy if we rejected Lil Uzi and left his untalented self in 2017 and just call him one of the many horrible mistakes.
31- "Meant to Be" - Bebe Rexha & Florida Georgia Line (+9) -- I'm pretty sure this is the top country song of the week. I'm glad they have things figured out at the moment. I'm also pretty sure that this is a perfect song to also be crossing over to pop radio, so I hope this can go even higher. If this ends up being Florida Georgia Line's best hit, I would be a happy man because this is one of the few times they've managed to impress me as they fit together quite well with Bebe.
35- "Sky Walker" - Miguel featuring Travis Scott (+20) -- I'm half tempted to believe that the only reason this song is getting any traction is because the new Star Wars movie is about to come out, which should be embarrassing for Miguel if any Star Wars fans actually read these lyrics because I'm also half tempted to believe that Miguel knows nothing about Star Wars. I mean, if he did, he'd be able to have more intelligent Star Wars references in his song, right?
39- "End Game" - Taylor Swift featuring Ed Sheeran & Future (+44) -- I told you I'd give you my thoughts on this song if Taylor's album ever debuted on Apple Music. It finally did. And while I give the album a B grade overall -- there's a combination of a lot to love and lot of meh -- this is by far the worst thing that Taylor put on the album. The combination of Taylor and Future goes together about as well as lathering your vanilla ice cream with barbecue sauce, pickles and onions. It's especially bad when Taylor tries to rap like Future towards the end of the song. And not to mention the lyrics are atrociously boring and bland. Taylor Swift wants to be her boyfriend's end game. And she claims that she doesn't like the drama. Ha! Yeah... right. The only thing that kinda brings a touch of life to the song is Ed Sheeran providing a kick of energy in his verse. I hope this isn't Taylor's idea of a new single after her others have already all failed. Instead she should try "New Years Day," "Dancing with Our Hands Tied" or "Delicate" because those might work out better for her.
44- "Ric Flair Drip" - Offset & Metro Boomin (+5) -- The other songs from this collaboration from 21 Savage, Offset and Metro Boomin are all dying off. I wish this song would follow. But it doesn't seem to be climbing too fast, so let's hope it stalls out before gaining too much traction.
New Arrivals:
21- "Him & I" - G-Eazy & Halsey -- I suppose it makes sense for this collaboration to happen given that G-Eazy and Halsey are a couple right now. But given how much Halsey gushed about this song and how special it is to her via twitter and various interviews, I expected there to actually be something to this song. Halsey's chorus is perhaps the most generic and boring chorus you can think of for a love song while G-Eazy throws in two lazy rap verses between said chorus getting repeated over and over. I'm sure these two are madly in love with each other in real life, but it doesn't show in this song. Instead G-Eazy calls them the 2017 Bonnie and Clyde. I mean, does he know that Bonnie and Clyde were criminal masterminds in the 1930's. Yes, their story is really interesting, which ends with the definition of overkill as police fired a reported 130 rounds into their car to ambush them. But shouldn't there be a better romantic comparison that G-Eazy should be using? I don't know. G-Eazy is a boring rapper and Halsey is a boring female pop star. So this collaboration is about as boring as you might think. Halsey has more chemistry with Andrew Taggart on "Closer" and I'm pretty sure those two now hate each other given how much of a punk Taggart is.
61- "Kooda" - 6ix9ine -- Not only do we have 6ix9ine soaring into the top 15 this week, but that success caused him to chart another song as well. It's essentially the exact same song as "Gummo." In other words, it's equally as disturbing. I mean, if you ignore the lyrics of the song, I can see how this style of angry rap can be appealing. I prefer that over mumble rap. But this song is 6ix9ine yelling at me about the awful stuff him and his gang are doing or are planning on doing. A lot of gun references, murder references, sexual references and all of that awful stuff. I certainly hope all of his sexual references are at least assumed to be consensual with the females, because just looking at the lyrics it sounds an awful lot like he's bragging about his gang raping and murdering people. Lots of gang banging references and other lines such as "you gon' die tonight" followed by "black van, pull up to your momma crib, boy, tie her up, drive that s--- off a bridge, boy." Sorry if that's more information than you wanted to hear, but I'm just trying to prove a point about this guy's lyrics and how it's appalling if we're accepting this as good music deserving of popularity. If I missed the mark here, please tell me and try to explain to me how things lyrics aren't appalling.
93- "Juice" - Yo Gotti -- Yo Gotti has the fortunate timing of following a song wherein the guy is bragging about murdering people. So of course it can't get any worse. He's not yelling at me. He's not mumbling at me. He's just bragging about how he's got that juice. He says that juice in this context is having "it" whatever "it" is. So essentially bragging about how awesome he is, which is boring. I mean, this is from this guy's ninth studio album. And this is all he's coming up with. Super boring and dumb. But at least he's not yelling at me about how he's going to kill someone, so that's a plus, right?
95- "Bella y Sensual" - Romeo Santos featuring Nicky Jam & Daddy Yankee -- Ha! I don't need a translator to figure out what that title means. Beautiful and sensual. And I'm guessing that sensual is meaning more on the lines of sexy. And we have three guys singing, so they're all singing about one girl, right? That's some fine detective work on my part. All three of these Latino singers have a distinct personality, thus they play off each other rather well. Romeo has the super romantic voice, Nicky is more normal and down to earth while Daddy Yankee is the aggressive one. And all of this makes a lot of sense when I do a bit of translation. All three of them are competing for one girl. Romeo is going to try to serenade her. Nicky promises that he will treat her well. Daddy Yankee is the dominant personality as he feels like he wants to conquer her by showing his manliness and what not. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering if this girl even wants any of them. Judging by the ear test alone, this isn't a Latino song that stands out from the crowd, but it's an alright one. I mostly like Romeo and Nicky playing off each other while Daddy Yankee is more jarring as he doesn't fit as well. I say they should've had a female singer in there and it would've been much better.
97- "Marry Me" - Thomas Rhett -- There's two songs titled "Marry Me" that I really like, one by Train and the other by Jason Derulo. I'm sure there's many more, but those two really stand out to me as super romantic songs that I'd want to play at my wedding reception. Could Thomas Rhett possibly add to that? It starts off that way, actually. He talks about how this girl wants to get married and he describes her dream wedding. So far so good. Then he turns it to his perspective and reveals to us that she wants to get married... but not to him. Oh poor little Thomas Rhett. Maybe if you would've treated her like an actual woman and not a potential object of your gratification, perhaps this story would've turned out nicer. Yes, I'm referring to his previous single "Craving You" which was really off-putting. I find out amusing how the two songs connect together. Thus this ends up as forgettable as the single that came between the two songs, which was ironically titled "Unforgettable."
98- "Five More Minutes" - Scotty McCreery -- Earlier this year we had Lauren Alaina show up on the charts in a couple of different songs. It seems fitting that we now have Scotty McCreery show up as well. Both of the finalists from the final season of "American Idol" that I ever watched. Because there was so much talent that year, yet the two that made it furthest were the least talented of the bunch. Especially not Scotty McCreery, who had a deep country voice, but nothing else. No range. No capability of writing or singing anything particularly interesting. But because "American Idol" was a popularity contest and not a music competition, the kid won. Now several years later since I've heard anything from him, he's still about as boring and lifeless as I remember. Granted, this is better than some country songs I've heard, but given that this song is a tribute to his late grandpa, I would've liked it if he brought up his grandpa at the beginning of the song and spent the whole song singing about him instead of boringly spending the whole song describing random moments where he wants five more minutes. Wanting five more minutes with his grandpa at the end of the song worked and was decently emotional for the untalented Scotty, but the rest of the song leading up to it was boring. Fans of Scotty should like this, though.
99- "Criminal" - Natti Natasha & Ozuna -- For the final song of the week, we have two additional Latino singers who are benefiting from the Latin Revolution on the Billboard charts thanks mainly to "Despacito." Although they fooled me at first because criminal is an English word. But apparently also a Spanish word. Sometimes the words are the same. In "Bella y Sensual" I said that the song could've used a female singer. Perhaps Natti Natasha could've been said girl because I like her and I think she would've worked well with Romeo and Nicky. Ozuna didn't stand out as much, but he provided a decent balance here. The problem with this specific song is that I looked up the lyrics and it seemed pretty basic as she's calling him a criminal for stealing his heart. Pretty cliche there. But if the beat works, I can often forgive that, especially since I'm less critical when I can't understand the lyrics. But the song feels like it's dragging. If there were a remix of this song that sped it up and made it more dancy song, I would've enjoyed this more. I do think it's the better of the two Latin songs on the charts this week, but I'm not overly impressed with either of them.
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